Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He can bullshit his way out of anything. Though she’s skeptical about his preposterous excuses, she’ll always forgive the Paco Camino Man. Bringing her back to their glory bleacher days (with strong mixed drinks), he’ll casually explain to her that a random roller skating bowling alley waitress innocently lost her bra down inside his pants when she accidentally fell on him serving a tray of drinks last Friday. And the simple explanation for his disappearance until Sunday was that he, uh, was helping a friend move. Also there was no phone service where he was because of a freak, unreported electrical storm that caused a power outage. And as far as the naked woman found living in his car last week goes, "she was merely a disoriented day hiker that wandered away from a nudist colony and needed shelter. That's all." Oh yeah, off the hook again.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Bullshit or Not! October 27, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Velvet Acid Christ, The Art of Breaking Apart
2. Taintstick, 6 lbs. of Sound
3. Gorgoroth, Quantos Possunt Ad Satanitatem Trahunt
4. Ruins of Beverlast, Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite
5. Ghost Farts, Fear The Invisible Buttercup
6. Bowel Rot, Rancid Flesh Maggot
7. Dirty Wormz, The Parazite
8. Garbage Barge, Captain Squidtruck Outta Luck
9. Dentite Masochist, Necro Masticator
10. Hot Tasty Padrel, Melts In Your Mouth Not In Your Ass

Legit!
1. Velvet Acid Christ, The Art of Breaking Apart
2. Taintstick, 6 lbs. of Sound
3. Gorgoroth, Quantos Possunt Ad Satanitatem Trahunt
4. Ruins of Beverlast, Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite
7. Dirty Wormz, The Parazite

Bullshit!
5. Ghost Farts, Fear The Invisible Buttercup
6. Bowel Rot, Rancid Flesh Maggot
8. Garbage Barge, Captain Squidtruck Outta Luck
9. Dentite Masochist, Necro Masticator
10. Hot Tasty Padrel, Melts In Your Mouth Not In Your Ass

Monday, October 26, 2009

Vintage Commercial: Colt 45 (1960)

Damn Fine Read. They Lived On Human Flesh, 1973


THE TERRIBLE DECISION

On October 13, 1972, an airplane carrying Uruguayan rugby players and their families to a match in Chile crashed into a mountainside and disintigrated. Miraculously, 26 of the 45 passengers and crew survived the accident--only to face slow death by freezing or starvation in the vast rock-and-ice wilderness of the Andes.

For days they stayed alive through resourcefulness, heroism, and devout faith in God. But with their strength and supplies running out, they had to make a terrible decision. As the weeks passed and they waited for a rescue that might never come, They Lived On Human Flesh.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

The following handwritten letter was found crumpled up on the seasonably cool marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Swear to god, you can’t share this with anyone! So like last week I had an embarrassing gyno appointment with a new female doc. Wanting to freshen up beforehand, I sort of borrowed some of your expensive vag perfume you keep hidden in your wig case, except I wound up spraying glitter hairspray up my cooch. When she took a peek inside, she said, “Mmm, fancy!” Damn, it must’ve looked like a confetti kaleidoscope exploded inside a sugar wall planetarium. Weird too, because I’d been listening all day to a new Beatles tribute CD to virginity called Lucy In The Sky With Hymens.

My favorite song is “Self-Denial Fields Forever,”

Kristin

Song of the Day:
Robin Thicke, “Sex Therapy”

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Bullshit or Not! October 20, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Foot Village, Anti-Magic
2. Poodle Farts, My Dog Can Kick Your Dog’s Ass
3. Armageddon Dildos, East West
4. Pullout Method, Natural Selection
5. Squash Bowels, Grind Virus
6. Fantasapotamus, Fornika
7. McSpatter, Red Doves Cry
8. Finko, Let’s Take It Outside Already
9. Agonize, Hexakosioihexekontahexa
10. Various Artists, Lucy In The Sky With Hymens: A Beatles Tribute To Virginity

Legit!
1. Foot Village, Anti-Magic
5. Squash Bowels, Grind Virus
3. Armageddon Dildos, East West
6. Fantasapotamus, Fornika
9. Agonize, Hexakosioihexekontahexa

Bullshit!
2. Poodle Farts, My Dog Can Kick Your Dog’s Ass
4. Pullout Method, Natural Selection
7. McSpatter, Red Doves Cry
8. Finko, Let’s Take It Outside Already
10. Various Artists, Lucy In The Sky With Hymens: A Beatles Tribute To Virginity

Friday, October 16, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

Taking a stroll through the most exclusive ski resort in the Colorado rockies, the Paco Camino Man piques the interest of a couple of snow bunnies at the poolside bar. Maybe it’s the attention-grabbing ribbed knit turtleneck sweater, or the perfectly fitted comfort slacks showing off his athletic physique, or perhaps it’s the mane of expertly coifed hair accentuating his sculpted facial features—women are lustfully drawn to him like a half-price shoe sale at Neiman Marcus. So charismatic and confident is the Paco Camino Man, he'll invite three beautiful women back to his pad. “Say, I have a shag-carpeted suite with a king sized waterbed, a fully stocked wet bar and some choice Columbian weed that practically rolls itself, how about we get our swim on upstairs?”

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Vintage Commercial: Cadbury - Flake

Bullshit or Not! October 13, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Niagara & The Hitmen, St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
2. Sex Wizard, Sex Wizard
3. TJ Hooker-Taylor, Your Babies Need A Daddy
4. Who Needs Talent?, Breakthrough at the Bottom: Live at Stubby’s
5. Pile of Water, My Dog is an Idiot
6. Everytime I Die, New Junk Aesthetic
7. Beautiful Loserhead, Hardcore
8. My Robot Friend, Soft-Core
9. Clap Jimmy, Lightswitch
10. Various Artists, Ga Ga Goo Goo; Lady Ga Ga For Babies

Legit!
1. Niagara & The Hitmen, St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
2. Sex Wizard, Sex Wizard
3. TJ Hooker-TaylorYour Babies Need A Daddy
6. Everytime I Die, New Junk Aesthetic
8. My Robot Friend, Soft-Core

Bullshit!
4. Who Needs Talent?, Breakthrough at the Bottom: Live at Stubby’s
5. Pile of Water, My Dog is an Idiot
7. Beautiful Loserhead, Hardcore
9. Clap Jimmy, Lightswitch
10. Various Artists, Ga Ga Goo Goo; Lady Ga Ga For Babies

Monday, October 12, 2009

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Boney M - Daddy Cool

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Down on the street where the faces shine

Photobucket
Floatin' around, I'm a real low mind. See a pretty thing. Ain't no wall...

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

WHAT SORT OF WOMAN READS PACO CAMINO?

She’s totally hotter than hell, wears her hair high and loves the freedom of going topless at her exclusive multi-room uptown apartment. Wearing nicely fitting vertical-striped pants beautifully accentuating her tasteful horizontal tan lines, the Paco Camino Woman surrounds herself with fuzzy wall-to-wall shag carpeting, the latest in mod Icelandic furniture, and she’s always up for a good time armed with both a touch-tone and a dial-up phone at her disposal. Ready to rock the keyboards, the Paco Camino Woman is not only girl next door sexy, but she makes Oscar Peterson sound like a drunk circus clown playing a hicktown skating rink on seniors night.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Decadent Smut: Christina's Promise, 1980

ChristinaPromisea
A SENSUAL JOURNEY INTO THE NETHERMOST DEPTHS OF DESIRE
Achingly beautiful, tauntingly desirable Christina van Bell plunges into awesome
new depths of wild eroticism. Driven by her own whirling carnal desire, she strives
to unravel the mysteries of the human libido, only to rediscover the delicious
infinities of irresistable seduction.