Friday, August 29, 2008


Nicknamed the Cobra, he’s a badass batsman standing tall in an unbelievably cramped pro locker room. The first million dollar contract hitter remembered for his killer throw to third base to nab Jim Rice in the 1979 All-Star Game, this 2-time National League Batting Champion, 3-time Golden Glove Winner and 7-time All-Star once knocked the cover off a baseball. That’s why no one says shit if he wears one shoe and accessorizes with wristbands and a cowboy hat. The muscle of the 1979 World Series, this Paco Camino Man inspired MVP Willie Stargell, unheralded Phil Garner and reliever Kent Tekulve (and his weird sidearm pitching) to deliver three clutch cargo victories, rallying from the brink of elimination against the Baltimore Orioles. We Are Family indeed.

Sister Sledge "We Are Family" 1979

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Vintage Ad: Pubie...The Bionic Pubic Hair, 1979

Hey kids, don't forget to add Pubie to your back-to-school shopping list!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

:20 Minute Workout

Before the advent of the Internet, this famously sexy workout program helped ease the discomfort of involuntary morning wood while promoting the development of hand, wrist, and forearm muscles of teenage boys everywhere.

Damn fine reading material. Her Candle Burns Hot!, 1951


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Monday, August 25, 2008

Morgan Brittany vs. Jayne Kennedy

Jayne Kennedy is my girl!

Jayne Kennedy, 1981

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Vintage Ad: Turtle Wax Extra, 1980

That's right. Since I drive my car in the ocean, I need extra protection.

Vintage TV ad: Turtle Wax Extra

Probably more protection than you'll ever need.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


A couple of total studs sporting classic tan Stratojac brief coats, that's who. The enigmatic woolen coats exude a casual, yet easy-going elegance—that’s The Condor on the left, a contour tailored coat, and on the right, The Cornell; belted, with raglan sleeves. Both come with epaulets and a new storm collar strap. But enough about this exquisite outerwear, the real story is the foxy lady sitting in an old-timey circus truck desperately seeking Cornell’s phone number for some hot action later. ‘Hey Condor, got a piece of paper?” “No,” replied Condor with a suave wry laugh. “I’m busy eying that flock of mini skirt-wearing babes over by the fountain flashing me some tail.” The Paco Camino Man: dressed to kill and always getting lucky with or without stationary.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Random old school AC/DC video: "Jailbreak."

The following handwritten letter was found crumpled up on the early autumn marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Hey did you know the Olympics are on? You probably haven’t heard of him, but there’s this hot swimmer dude named Michael Phelps that I have a total crush on, so I’ve been sending him tons of sexually inappropriate text messages. At breakfast, I’d gladly lick three fried egg cheese sandwiches with tomatoes, lettuce, onions and mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes, a five-egg omelet, three slices of French toast, a bowl of grits and two cups of coffee off his ripped abs. Then at lunch, I’d eat pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches off his taut, muscled ass, and don’t get me started about dinner, when I’d slurp off another pound of pasta (with carbonara sauce) and a large cheese pizza off his gold medal dorsal fin.

Whew, Phelps gets me wet, strokes it hard and stays in lane between my buoys, baby,


Song of the Day:

Kraak & Smaak, “Squeeze Me”

Monday, August 18, 2008

Super Exciting Candle Pin Bowling Hall of Fame Moment #16

Oh man, so unbelievable, eh?


He’s a neon suitor on the town, in demand, living large, born to rock and ready to roll. Turning heads at every corner, he’s well read, on the prowl and dressed to kill. Down with the hip crowd and up on the latest fashion trends, his impeccable style, square jaw line and mysterious eyes only distract from the fact he’s hung like a fearless sexual stuntman breaking long-standing world records. Electrifying live wire Crue women, the Paco Camino Man is a high voltage AC/DC legend lighting up forgotten Van Halen II skies while grounding mortal men powerless with zoo-like Scorpionic blackout envy.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Retarded: Not for retards anymore.

I’m perplexed by the recent flap over the usage of the word “retarded” in the new Ben Stiller flick, Tropic Thunder. Obviously meant as silly humor (remember There’s Something About Mary?), the word has upset both handicap organizations and special education teachers. In fact, they’ve started a boycott campaign that only intrigues more people to see the film.

I think the whole thing is well, retarded.

It’s time to take back “retarded” and permanently amend it’s meaning. Yes, many years ago, the term harshly described mentally challenged, handicapped or disabled people. That’s why today we delicately call them“special.” Imbecile, moron and idiot were used too, but there’s little outrage when high-strung cabbies yell these words all day driving around New York City.

That’s just it—most use 'retarded' to describe a bad play call, a wretched reality show, or the god awful speech by Miss South Carolina at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant. Retarded is unrelenting tabloid celebrity gossip. Retarded sums up the Iraq War. And some of the best times I've ever had occurred when being retarded with my dearest friends. No one uses retarded to refer to someone mentally ill anymore. That's retarded.

Relax people—this is just like the word, "gay" which overwhelmingly denotes homosexuality. Half a century ago, gay was mainly used to describe anyone feeling pretty (oh so pretty), or wearing festive clothing at Christmastime. But over time our gay brothers commandeered it. Big deal. The public got over it.

Retarded. Not for retards anymore. Kidding! Yow, lighten up. It’s a new word now.

Damn fine listening material: Agente zelo zelo tette a tutti


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sunday, August 10, 2008

R.I.P. Isaac Hayes

Isaac Hayes was world famous for composing the streetwalking funk classic "Theme From Shaft," but "Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic" is truly epic.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Michel Fugain "fais comme I' oiseau" 1971

Feist ain't got shit on Michel Fugain & his rainbow dancers flying high on mushrooms.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


He’s hellbent for denim and horseman to the manor born. Besides looking utterly fantastic in a rugged waist-length leather ranch coat, this stud is nailing two ace-high whitetail city slickers down for a weekend of beating the devil around a stump. On the shoot, but he ain’t no bunk artist, he got the bulge. Sure he’s an odd stick playing to the gallery, but even full as tick, he's in apple pie order getting a wiggle on with the fillies. You may have been waiting to find out that the Paco Camino Man is of course, hung like a horse and right as a rivet too. That ain't no lick and a promise either.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Classic TV Cheese: T.J. Hooker, 1982

As officer Stacy Sheridan, the beautiful Heather Locklear poses undercover as an exotic dancer. A really awful exotic dancer. On a stage equipt with handicapped handrails.

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Hey girl, I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed your lavender scented aromatherapy insoles for my shoes and damn, it’s like a flower garden shit all over my feet. Oh yeah, something else you should probably be aware of is that I sort of accidentally implicated you in a grisly double homicide by sending damning manufactured evidence to FBI crime scene investigators. Sorry, my bad, but those detectives were so darn cute! I just had to see them again. Anyway, the Feds just need to do a thorough body cavity search and impregnate you with the sperm from a mysterious lizard man, and boom, just like that you’re off the hook for the murders.

My ass acne is coming back nicely thanks to spray-on Rash in a Can,


Song of the Day:

Rosebud, “Have a Cigar”

Friday, August 01, 2008

Vintage Ad: Benson & Hedges Cigarettes, 1976


Turns out this hot beach girl is Colleen Camp.