Thursday, December 31, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Va-Va-Voom: Veruschka

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Bullshit or Not! December 15, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Thulsa Doom, She Fucks Me!
2. El Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory in Central America
3. Various Artists, Yule Tide Me Over: A Tiger Woods Transgression Christmas
4. Beans On Toast, Standing On A Chair
5. Hot Poop, The Hot Scoop on the Best Shit
6. Nurse With Wound, Paranoia In Hi-Fi
7. Forbidden Fruit, Must. Have. Now.
8. Negative Reaction, Under The Ancient Penalty
9. Travis “Moonchild” Haddix, If I’m One, You’re One Too
10. Tungle Wang, Floople Town Diaries
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Legit!
1. Thulsa Doom, She Fucks Me!
4. Beans On Toast, Standing On A Chair
6. Nurse With Wound, Paranoia In Hi-Fi
8. Negative Reaction, Under The Ancient Penalty
9. Travis “Moonchild” Haddix, If I’m One, You’re One Too

Bullshit!
2. El Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory in Central America
3. Various Artists, Yule Tide Me Over: A Tiger Woods Transgression Christmas
5. Hot Poop, The Hot Scoop on the Best Shit
7. Forbidden Fruit, Must. Have. Now.
10. Tungle Wang, Floople Town Diaries

Monday, December 14, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

Despite the cold temperature outside, women burn hot inside for the Paco Camino Man. Maybe it’s his Brylcreem snow shield hair or the way he wears his stretch-fit polyester ribbed turtlenecks coordinated with tonal urban overcoats, but attractive women everywhere just want to bone his ass. And every Christmas this unassuming stud proves ‘going green’ isn’t merely a fad; it’s a way of life. Using just three pieces of tape and some yarn to wrap his big package, both Heidi and Rita can’t help fantasize about another naked fireside chat on his bearskin rug. Dude, better call the acquisitions office because you’ll be working on some delicate skin mergers clear through New Year’s.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Bullshit or Not! December 8, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Rockin’ Bonnie & the Rot Gut Shots, Cocktail Jubilee
2. Turdifier, Brown Is The New Green
3. Enter Santaman, A Christmas Tribute To Metallica
4. Cowboy Prostitutes, Let Me Have Your Heart
5. Pink Floyd, Candy Canes At The Gates Of Dawn
6. Japanther, Skuffed Up My Huffy
7. Tex Cowboy & the Stabby Ranch Hands, Them’s Fightin’ Words
8. Cankle Fever, Grow A Pair
9. Jon Dee Graham & the Fighting Cocks, It’s Not As Bad As It Looks
10. Hellmouth, Destroy Everything, Worship Nothing
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Legit!
1. Rockin’ Bonnie & the Rot Gut Shots, Cocktail Jubilee
4. Cowboy Prostitutes, Let Me Have Your Heart
6. Japanther, Skuffed Up My Huffy
9. Jon Dee Graham & the Fighting Cocks, It’s Not As Bad As It Looks
10. Hellmouth, Destroy Everything, Worship Nothing

Bullshit!
2. Turdifier, Brown Is The New Green
3. Enter Santaman, A Christmas Tribute To Metallica
5. Pink Floyd, Candy Canes At The Gates Of Dawn
7. Tex Cowboy & the Stabby Ranch Hands, Them’s Fightin’ Words
8. Cankle Fever, Grow A Pair

Monday, December 07, 2009

Decadent Smut: Nicole Touches the Stars, 1983

Nicole Lights ...Camera...Nicole: Nicole brings her special magic to the glitter of Hollywood when she stars in an X-rated excursion into ecstasy. From the beach at Malibu to the boulevards of Paris, she exhausts every route to forbidden pleasure known to man and woman. There has never been a love goddess hotter than Nicole...with a sigh so scorching and a touch so torrid that she burns up the screen.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Saturday, December 05, 2009

An angry wish list item from a cranky old street man. Really.

"Anyone with an iPod can suck my ass. I want a Steropack, motherfucker. It plays cassettes, weighs only three and half pounds and costs a mere $185. Stuff that shit in your goddamn stocking this year!"

Friday, December 04, 2009

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Bullshit or Not! December 1, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Fat Freddy’s Drop, Based On a True Story
2. Cephalotripsy , Uterovaginal Insertion of Extirpated Anomalies
3. Rocking Dildos, Horny Hit Parade
4. Buttastic Ass-Slappers, Fine, Then You Explain How The Pinecone Got There
5. Motorcycle Girl, She Got The Boots, But She Ain’t Got No Bike
6. Sadistik Exekution, We Are Death Fukk You
7. Pot Smoke Sandstorm, Lungs of Fury Meet Window Blowback
8. Witchfinder General, Death Penalty
9. Good Grades & The Eggheads, Extra Credit Brown Nose
10. Hair Pie, Pan Down, We Want Hair Pie!
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Legit!
1. Fat Freddy’s Drop, Based On a True Story
2. Cephalotripsy , Uterovaginal Insertion of Extirpated Anomalies
3. Rocking Dildos, Horny Hit Parade
6. Sadistik Exekution, We Are Death Fukk You
8. Witchfinder General, Death Penalty

Bullshit!
4. Buttastic Ass-Slappers, Fine, Then You Explain How The Pinecone Got There
5. Motorcycle Girl, She Got The Boots, But She Ain’t Got No Bike
7. Pot Smoke Sandstorm, Lungs of Fury Meet Window Blowback
9. Good Grades & The Eggheads, Extra Credit Brown Nose
10. Hair Pie, Pan Down, We Want Hair Pie!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Saturday, November 28, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He gets older, but all these high school girls stay the same age. Yes they do. Hanging down at the Jack in the Box (conveniently located across the street from the pool hall and arcade), the Paco Camino Man draws the attention of two flirty girl scouts out to sell more than just cookies. Fulfilling their motto of “Do a good turn daily,” these horny scouts will use the buddy system to play sexy wide games and will go all the way to obtain erotic merit badges. And in a raunchy senior cadette challenge, the Paco Camino Man will hold up three middle fingers and swear to accept a positioning statement cultivating values, social conscience and self-esteem.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

Ooh baby. He’s a legendary cocksman with a sausage compass set permanently north. Inspiring the cover art for a thousand trashy romance novels, the Paco Camino Man flaunts a mythical mane of untamed hair, amber-tinted Aviator sunglasses and sans shirt, pulls off exposing his piliferous chest with a peach-colored Members Only jacket. Reeling in two smoking hot maidens using his tractor beam radar, this lustful lothario radiates animal magnetism that blows the buttons right off one chick's rayon blouse to reveal a matching seafoam Dacron bikini. Nothing like his doofus brother Cosmo, (a bumbling NYC apartment dweller living across the hall from an observational stand up comedian) The Paco Camino Man is setting sail for another yacht rocking experience.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bullshit or Not! November 17, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Haruka Fukuhara, Kitchen Ha My Stage
2. We All Have Hooks For Hands, The Shape of Energy
3. Entombed, Christmas In Hell
4. Arsonists Get All The Girls, Portals
5. Temporary Insanity of Darkroom Familia, Woke Up Hatin’ Tha World
6. Carbon Dating, Fossils Don’t Fuck
7. Dickle, Dickle Doodle-Doo
8. Fudko Associates, Damn Wang, Your Ying is in My Yang
9. Turbo Fruits, Echo Kid
10. Fudge Plug, It’s Exactly What You Think

Legit!
1. Haruka Fukuhara, Kitchen Ha My Stage
2. We All Have Hooks For Hands, The Shape of Energy
4. Arsonists Get All The Girls, Portals
5. Temporary Insanity of Darkroom Familia, Woke Up Hatin’ Tha World
9. Turbo Fruits, Echo Kid

Bullshit!
3. Entombed, Christmas In Hell
6. Carbon Dating, Fossils Don’t Fuck
7. Dickle, Dickle Doodle-Doo
8. Fudko Associates, Damn Wang, Your Ying is in My Yang
10. Fudge Plug, It’s Exactly What You Think

Monday, November 16, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bullshit or Not! November 10, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1.Vince Ray & The Boneshakers, Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight
2. Fuckpony, Let The Love Flow
3. Enmity, Vomit Forth Intestinal Excrement
4. Computer Perfection, We Wish You Well On Your Way To Hell
5. Meth Skank Whores From Lebanon, Sucks To Be You
6. Boner Ponies, Pitching A Tent For God
7. Awaiting The Autopsy, Couldn’t Tell The Bodies Apart
8. Forgone Conclusion, Make Up Your Mind Already
9. Mastard Child, Bustard Cutup
10. Fartacular, Celestial Winds of Colon
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Legit!
1. Vince Ray & The Boneshakers, Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight
2. Fuckpony, Let The Love Flow
3. Enmity, Vomit Forth Intestinal Excrement
4. Computer Perfection, We Wish You Well On Your Way To Hell
7. Awaiting The Autopsy, Couldn’t Tell The Bodies Apart

Bullshit!
5. Meth Skank Whores From Lebanon, Sucks To Be You
6. Boner Ponies, Pitching A Tent For God
8. Forgone Conclusion, Make Up Your Mind Already
9. Mastard Child, Bustard Cutup
10. Fartacular, Celestial Winds of Colon

Monday, November 09, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

DamagedPacoManaOne good look by the Paco Camino Man and he knows she’s damaged. Big time. Her shy demeanor and devil may care, long cable-knit sweater don't fool him for a sec—he’ll easily convince her they must both be crazy for wandering away from an exclusive house party in the Hamptons and squatting next to a grungy frog pond wearing white pants. Thankfully he had an extra stiff vodka & tonic to offer her as well as this sound advice, “No matter who this guy is, just remember someone better, like me, will come along to sweep you off your feet, have mad sex with you and proceed to never call again, because I’ll be too busy having mad sex with other women just like you. You know, needy and vulnerable.” The Paco Camino Man—damn it feels good to help.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Friday, November 06, 2009

Cha Cha Heels

Speaking of "doofy" things...give me cha cha heels! YEAH!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Vintage Ad: The Erotica phone, 1984

SexphoneaThis might possibly be the stupidest ad for the dumbest product that Paco Camino has ever come across. I mean damn, just look at the doofy dipshit talking on the Erotica phone. Seriously, wow, this functional and fabulous phone was superbly sculptured by a European artist (so you know it's good) and best yet, it's priced at just a mere a $69.95 (with $5.00 shipping & handling) and it takes only 3 to 6 weeks for delivery!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Bullshit or Not! November 3, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. The King Khan & BBQ Show, Invisible Girl
2. Fake Shark Real Zombie, Meeting People is Terrible
3. Handful of Hate, You Will Bleed
4. Squid Parts, Tentacle Underpants
5. While Heaven Wept, Vast Oceans Lachrymose
6. Snot Rocket, I Wanna Go…Snot Rockin!
7. Neutral Milk Hotel, In The Aeroplane Over The Sea
8. Undersea Queef, Fart Tsunami
9. Kickstand Man, Can’t Tip Him Over
10. Various Artists, Like a Sturgeon: An Atlantic Ocean Fish Tribute to Madonna
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Legit!
1. The King Khan & BBQ Show, Invisible Girl
2. Fake Shark Real Zombie, Meeting People is Terrible
3. Handful of Hate, You Will Bleed
5. While Heaven Wept, Vast Oceans Lachrymose
7. Neutral Milk Hotel, In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

Bullshit!
4. Squid Parts, Tentacle Underpants
6. Snot Rocket, I Wanna Go…Snot Rockin!
8. Undersea Queef, Fart Tsunami
9. Kickstand Man, Can’t Tip Him Over
10. Various Artists, Like a Sturgeon: An Atlantic Ocean Fish Tribute to Madonna

Monday, November 02, 2009

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He can bullshit his way out of anything. Though she’s skeptical about his preposterous excuses, she’ll always forgive the Paco Camino Man. Bringing her back to their glory bleacher days (with strong mixed drinks), he’ll casually explain to her that a random roller skating bowling alley waitress innocently lost her bra down inside his pants when she accidentally fell on him serving a tray of drinks last Friday. And the simple explanation for his disappearance until Sunday was that he, uh, was helping a friend move. Also there was no phone service where he was because of a freak, unreported electrical storm that caused a power outage. And as far as the naked woman found living in his car last week goes, "she was merely a disoriented day hiker that wandered away from a nudist colony and needed shelter. That's all." Oh yeah, off the hook again.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Bullshit or Not! October 27, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Velvet Acid Christ, The Art of Breaking Apart
2. Taintstick, 6 lbs. of Sound
3. Gorgoroth, Quantos Possunt Ad Satanitatem Trahunt
4. Ruins of Beverlast, Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite
5. Ghost Farts, Fear The Invisible Buttercup
6. Bowel Rot, Rancid Flesh Maggot
7. Dirty Wormz, The Parazite
8. Garbage Barge, Captain Squidtruck Outta Luck
9. Dentite Masochist, Necro Masticator
10. Hot Tasty Padrel, Melts In Your Mouth Not In Your Ass

Legit!
1. Velvet Acid Christ, The Art of Breaking Apart
2. Taintstick, 6 lbs. of Sound
3. Gorgoroth, Quantos Possunt Ad Satanitatem Trahunt
4. Ruins of Beverlast, Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite
7. Dirty Wormz, The Parazite

Bullshit!
5. Ghost Farts, Fear The Invisible Buttercup
6. Bowel Rot, Rancid Flesh Maggot
8. Garbage Barge, Captain Squidtruck Outta Luck
9. Dentite Masochist, Necro Masticator
10. Hot Tasty Padrel, Melts In Your Mouth Not In Your Ass

Monday, October 26, 2009

Vintage Commercial: Colt 45 (1960)

Damn Fine Read. They Lived On Human Flesh, 1973


THE TERRIBLE DECISION

On October 13, 1972, an airplane carrying Uruguayan rugby players and their families to a match in Chile crashed into a mountainside and disintigrated. Miraculously, 26 of the 45 passengers and crew survived the accident--only to face slow death by freezing or starvation in the vast rock-and-ice wilderness of the Andes.

For days they stayed alive through resourcefulness, heroism, and devout faith in God. But with their strength and supplies running out, they had to make a terrible decision. As the weeks passed and they waited for a rescue that might never come, They Lived On Human Flesh.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009