Thursday, January 31, 2008

Black Sabbath: Live in Paris 1970

This awesome footage was filmed December 20, 1970 at the Olympia Theater when Black Sabbath was merely a curiosity witnessed by a motionless audience unsure what to make of this new sound. Just a few years later the same music (in this case the lurching fuzz classic "N.I.B.") would illicit mayhem at concerts requiring bodyguards and barricades to contain the crushing sea of humanity.

Metal Thoughts:
Ozzy: Probably not even drunk yet.
Guitarist Tony: Iommi: Man of a thousand riffs.
Bassist Geezer Butler: An inspiration to Metallica's Cliff Burton.
Bill Ward: The best old school heavy-ass drummer besides Bonham.
Best new school: Dave Grohl.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the freezing marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I’m so freaking frustrated! I can’t seem to find those hard-to-find, limited edition $500 purple Uggs boots anywhere! Now what am I supposed to wear with my scummy baggy ass sweatpants? Hey, I’ve been pumping my fist after getting a grip being hand-selected for the glove rights (and lefts) committee for covering uncovered extremities. Oh, yeah, I may have just accidentally broke the back window of your new car yesterday, hot wired it, and drove it off a city pier while watching Daddy Day Care in the DVD player. That Eddie Murphy—even if his movies suck he still so cute! Hmm, thought I left you a note by your keys that I planned on stealing your car in a drugged-out fit of wanton irresponsibility. Day 13 of my saltine crackers and dry oatmeal diet isn’t going so well. Neither is my attempt to shit just once. Wish me luck in my marathon tomorrow!

Relax--I greased the palm of your insurance adjuster if you know what I mean…


Song of the Day:

The Dramatics, “Just Shopping”

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Indian Thriller

In honor of Michael Jackson's 25th anniversary of Thriller, here's a fucking
atrocious Bollywood version to make you cringe in horror. I dare you to make
it all the way through to the bitter, awful, cheeseball end.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Kyle Krichbaum, the 12 year-old Vacuum Cleaner Savant

The real question is how Kyle cleans his vacuum cleaners. With other vacuum cleaners? A Hoover might do just fine on an Electrolux, but Eureka's suction may not cut it on a dusty classic Miele model.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Vintage Ad #24: Atari, 1980

I'd list 'em all, but damn, thats' a lot of freakin' work..

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Bettie Page in Teaserama, 1955

Flashdance this is not, but still there’s something both innocent and naughty about Bettie Page dancing around in vintage burlesque outfits. David Lee Roth said it best, “I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings..”

Song of the Day:
Van Halen, “Everybody Wants Some!!”

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Is The Chargers Curse Off?

The San Diego Chargers have gone 13 years without a playoff win. Now they have two gutsy victories in two weeks. But can they play the spoilers and upset the unbeaten Patriots in New England? Karma may be on their side.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Dear 'Crusading Against Reverse Dyslexia'

Thank God for your vital reverse dyslexic support. I have a true story to relate to your members that maybe they can relate to too. Sorry, I’m nervous.

Last month I was browsing at a flea market when I stumbled across a creepy old lady selling used diaphragms that belonged to Raquel Welch. Shaking with anticipation that these would perfectly compliment my collection of Madonna’s pap smears and used Drew Carey condoms, I wanted desperately to buy them, but fumbled with my words.

As I thought to myself, “Must have the diaphragms no matter what the cost,” I then told the woman that I wanted to buy the diaphragms. Thank goodness she still wanted to sell them to me after that fiasco.

And thank goodness for this Reverse Dyslexics group, as I feel better already just getting this off my chest and getting this off my chest. Sorry, still nervous.


Jennifer Carpet, 28, Chicago (the windy city that’s windy)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy Birthday, Pat Benatar!

Born Pat Andrzejewski in Brooklyn on this date in 1953, Pat Benatar rocks out in this 1980 video for "You Better Run." It would be the second video ever played on a fledgling music network called MTV on August 1, 1981.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Tuesday, January 08, 2008


For starters, he can wear a totally gay bow tie and still get laid. And plaid—a pattern often reserved for bald bookworms and dweeby digit-heads—always seems to get the attention of foxy ladies who can spot him from across smoky singles bars. Maybe it’s his rocking lion’s mane of untamed hair or his manly porn diller mustache, but one thing is for certain—women aren’t shy about flashing major ass his way. In fact he has so much hot ass piling up at his swinging bachelor pad that he tips the paperboy extra just to take some off his hands. Now, you’ll have to excuse this plaid stallion because he’s about to saddle up for some wild bareback filly riding. The Paco Camino Man: He ain’t talkin’ ‘bout horses.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains 1981

Starring a teenage Diane Lane, this is a classic scene from the obscure cult flick Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains. Inspired by The Looters—real-life Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones and drummer Paul Cook, Paul Simonon of The Clash on bass and Ray Winstone on vocals, Lane forms a punk band and escapes her dank Pennsylvania town (and her aunt played by Christine Lahti).

In a shopping center filled with hundreds of copycat punk girls, The Stains steal "The Professionals" while Lane famously performs in black panties, fishnet stockings and a skunk mohawk to die for. And keep an eye out for a young Laura Dern playing bass.

Years ago Stains lurked on late night cable, but now it only exists as a pop culture curiosity on bad bootlegs. Hey, a big thanks to whomever posted this on Youtube.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

1973: Karel Gott, "Es Wird Schon Weitergeh'n"

Immediately following Karel Gott's clap-freaking-tacular performance, the entire studio
audience was escorted into a fashion victim rocket ship and launched into outer space.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Curmudgeonly Commentary #21

"Chicks never fight topless on motorcycles with chains and knives no more.
Now it’s all text messaging and blow jobs."

Friday, January 04, 2008

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the cold marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Did you hear about the girl who had an operation on her left side? She’s all right now. Geez, thank god, it’d suck being all left. I can’t seem to sleep lying down lately and your inverted sex swing in the rec room is really awkward so I’ve resorted to sleeping in the upright coffin in the guest morgue. Hey I thought we could finally make that video we talked about—you know—2 girls, one cup and a tub of Flamey McFirecrack’s Intestinal-Melt Chili. Our parents are going to be so proud that seven years of college is finally paying off! Say that reminds me, did you ever get that fart smell out of your new car? Coincidently I may have left my coffee can of special leavings in your trunk. Uh, yeah, the same can with the bad seal that always spills all over. Hmm, maybe I blew my ass junk in your trunk.

Doctor says I gots me some of that caucus fever baby,


Song of the Day:
James Pants, “Ka$h (Peanut Butter Wolf Remix)”

Wednesday, January 02, 2008