Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the freezing marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I’m so freaking frustrated! I can’t seem to find those hard-to-find, limited edition $500 purple Uggs boots anywhere! Now what am I supposed to wear with my scummy baggy ass sweatpants? Hey, I’ve been pumping my fist after getting a grip being hand-selected for the glove rights (and lefts) committee for covering uncovered extremities. Oh, yeah, I may have just accidentally broke the back window of your new car yesterday, hot wired it, and drove it off a city pier while watching Daddy Day Care in the DVD player. That Eddie Murphy—even if his movies suck he still so cute! Hmm, thought I left you a note by your keys that I planned on stealing your car in a drugged-out fit of wanton irresponsibility. Day 13 of my saltine crackers and dry oatmeal diet isn’t going so well. Neither is my attempt to shit just once. Wish me luck in my marathon tomorrow!

Relax--I greased the palm of your insurance adjuster if you know what I mean…


Song of the Day:

The Dramatics, “Just Shopping”

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