Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Or maybe it's high time the acid kicked in. Melting sticks of butter, gum drop fruit beards, candy cane tongues, and cosmic cows from outer space that magically turn into hamburgers. The smiley mouth with the front yellow pot tooth. French fries. Black Santa ice cream and falling hot dogs. Damn, I gotta freaking quit sniffing glue.
Posted by Feo Mateo at 10:00 PM
Monday, October 22, 2007
Take Off…On a Completely Unique Experience! The Paco Camino Man drinks a fuckload of beer and keeps mountains of Colt 45 talls plentifully stocked in his elevated mushroom house located above the Cliffs of Dover. Casually commandeering, the Paco Camino Man also prefers his mushroom house sex groupies to wear outlandish space outfits complete with silver boots, metallic shoulder shields and clear plexiglas helmet globes. Don’t worry though; they’ll be coming off when the pretty ladies adjust to his groinal area pressure changes, girthonal longitude and atmospheric increases. No problem here, Houston. The Paco Camino Man: Partnering with Colt 45 in exchange for Colt 45. It's out of this world.
Posted by Feo Mateo at 10:52 PM
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the windswept marble steps of McKinley Hall:
So I hear Ellen DeGeneres is the new Michael Vick. Boy, that bitch really has some nerve finding a loving home for a stray dog adopted from an animal shelter. Hey my willy-nilly exchange returns are in, and it seems I’m substituting haphazard variances of differentiating discrepancies with alternating inconsistent mutations that morph randomly. At least I’m elated my bipolar condition is suddenly making me sad, but then blam, instantly, I’m like totally happy again and hmm, that’s weird, but now I’m so depressed. Hey have you ever had a tattoo peel off? Or a toenail fungus so rank, it infected your teeth? Suppose I should replace my nail clippers, huh?
Confusion is hard,
Song of the Day:
“Chick Habit,” April March
Posted by Feo Mateo at 12:05 AM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
"The Naughty Stewardesses--they're sweet, but know the score. The lovingest group of oversexed and undersatisfied females who ever graced any runway. Jane does it for kicks, Debbie does it for love, Margie does it for money, and Barbara does it for fun. They're the naughty stewardesses and they're flying your way now. Fly first class with the naughty stewardesses, the cutest, curviest, most caressable hostesses who will ever take care of you."
Posted by Feo Mateo at 9:18 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
What in the name of Apu is going on here? Is this a rockin' Indian dance party hosted by John Matuszak of the 70's Oakland Raiders? Anyway, the dude with the shades sporting the fro and gold boots got moves like you've never dreamed of—keep an eye out for his badass backwards leap up to the top of the staircase. Oh yeah.
Posted by Feo Mateo at 12:25 AM
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
How many private planes do you own? The Paco Camino Man not only keeps several on stand by at his secluded mansion, but he’s also licensed to thrill aeronautically with top gun cockpit clearance to fly erogenous zones. Sporting perfectly windswept daredevilish hair, gold-rimmed, amber-tinted aviator sunglasses, and a daring, melon-colored wide lapel rayon sport shirt bursting from his formfitting tweed jacket, the Paco Camino Man is an experienced pioneer of the mile high club. Attracting sensual, wing-on-a-prayer birds of a feather, the Paco Camino Man only asks you keep the landing strip clear of debris, but still carpeted and well lit. Because the sky’s the limit when you’re flying high with Paco Camino baby.
Posted by Feo Mateo at 11:51 PM
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the autumn-baked marble steps of McKinley Hall:
Is it possible that square block chunks of time might seem more like boxed clock-recorded cubes instead? I mean, couldn’t six weeks, four days, and 36 hours almost kind of seem sort of like five weeks, six days, and 53 hours on any third Sunday after a daylight savings time change following a holiday weekend on a leap year? Or maybe not. Oh yeah, I discovered that the foul odor emanating from the basement is from my flip-flops. It wasn’t a corpse after all. Don’t handle or lick them, as I understand they are totally fungally lethal. Good news though--my nuclear crotch-rot has been downgraded by the EPA and upheld by a district court judge, so you’re welcome to borrow any of my thongs again,
Song of the Day:
Northern State, “Away Away”
Posted by Feo Mateo at 12:37 AM
Monday, October 01, 2007
O.J's third leg has always gotten him in trouble.
The Man's all legs and knows everything about feet. Listen: "Boots have to look great--but they also have to be made for whatever you're going to doing in them. That's why, when you say boots, you gotta say Dingo." Thanks, O.J. We make our insides be as cool as our outsides by using nothing but the best materials and nothing but the best bootmakers to put it all together. Like O.J. Simpson, we mean what we say, and what we say is: Nobody Puts Leather Together Like Dingo.
Posted by Feo Mateo at 10:58 PM