Monday, November 05, 2007

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the leaf-strewn marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Is it possible to walk, chew gum, burp, fart and sneeze at the same time? How about taking out sticky contact lenses after a week of binge drinking while sitting on the john trying in vain to squelch a case of uncontrollable taco bell shits all the while hiccupping every sixteen seconds? Hey, I suppose since you installed motion detectors in your room and unpickable locks on your dresser, that you probably don’t want me rifling through your underwear drawer anymore high on PCP. I get it. That’s cool. I’m voting for Hillary next year—how awesome would first husband George be throwing late-night P-Funk parties at the White House?

Is there any way to tell if you’ve accidentally peeled off your corneas?


Song of the Day:

Peanut Butter Wolf, “Umbrellas”

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