Monday, March 12, 2007

The following handwritten letter was found folded on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Lousy Smarch! I’ve just learned my May-December fling with that undergraduate named Junior Freshman (who’s in his Senior year at the Sophomore Academy) is headed for a spring commencement. Damn girl, these stretch gore-tex control top pantyhose make my ankles swell up like balloons when I fart, and after winning that five alarm chili-eating contest, I keep tripping and falling down when I pass gas stations. One Al-Qaeda quickie-mart thought I was trying to detonate a dirty bomb when I was cutting moves listening to Christina Aguilera on my iPod while picking out extra spicy corn chips. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that you’re right---a Cleveland Steamer ain’t no dry cleaner in Ohio.

See you down at the pillow stuffing class,


Song of the Day:

“Gut Bucket” James Brown

No comments: