Is The Chargers Curse Off?

The San Diego Chargers have gone 13 years without a playoff win. Now they have two gutsy victories in two weeks. But can they play the spoilers and upset the unbeaten Patriots in New England? Karma may be on their side.

Dear 'Crusading Against Reverse Dyslexia'

Thank God for your vital reverse dyslexic support. I have a true story to relate to your members that maybe they can relate to too. Sorry, I’m nervous.

Last month I was browsing at a flea market when I stumbled across a creepy old lady selling used diaphragms that belonged to Raquel Welch. Shaking with anticipation that these would perfectly compliment my collection of Madonna’s pap smears and used Drew Carey condoms, I wanted desperately to buy them, but fumbled with my words.

As I thought to myself, “Must have the diaphragms no matter what the cost,” I then told the woman that I wanted to buy the diaphragms. Thank goodness she still wanted to sell them to me after that fiasco.

And thank goodness for this Reverse Dyslexics group, as I feel better already just getting this off my chest and getting this off my chest. Sorry, still nervous.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Carpet, 28, Chicago (the windy city that’s windy)

Happy Birthday, Pat Benatar!

Born Pat Andrzejewski in Brooklyn on this date in 1953, Pat Benatar rocks out in this 1980 video for "You Better Run." It would be the second video ever played on a fledgling music network called MTV on August 1, 1981.

Vintage Ad #53: Evel Knievel Toys, 1976

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

For starters, he can wear a totally gay bow tie and still get laid. And plaid—a pattern often reserved for bald bookworms and dweeby digit-heads—always seems to get the attention of foxy ladies who can spot him from across smoky singles bars. Maybe it’s his rocking lion’s mane of untamed hair or his manly porn diller mustache, but one thing is for certain—women aren’t shy about flashing major ass his way. In fact he has so much hot ass piling up at his swinging bachelor pad that he tips the paperboy extra just to take some off his hands. Now, you’ll have to excuse this plaid stallion because he’s about to saddle up for some wild bareback filly riding. The Paco Camino Man: He ain’t talkin’ ‘bout horses.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains 1981

Starring a teenage Diane Lane, this is a classic scene from the obscure cult flick Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains. Inspired by The Looters—real-life Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones and drummer Paul Cook, Paul Simonon of The Clash on bass and Ray Winstone on vocals, Lane forms a punk band and escapes her dank Pennsylvania town (and her aunt played by Christine Lahti).

In a shopping center filled with hundreds of copycat punk girls, The Stains steal "The Professionals" while Lane famously performs in black panties, fishnet stockings and a skunk mohawk to die for. And keep an eye out for a young Laura Dern playing bass.

Years ago Stains lurked on late night cable, but now it only exists as a pop culture curiosity on bad bootlegs. Hey, a big thanks to whomever posted this on Youtube.

1973: Karel Gott, "Es Wird Schon Weitergeh'n"

Immediately following Karel Gott's clap-freaking-tacular performance, the entire studio
audience was escorted into a fashion victim rocket ship and launched into outer space.

Curmudgeonly Commentary #21

"Chicks never fight topless on motorcycles with chains and knives no more.
Now it’s all text messaging and blow jobs."

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the cold marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Did you hear about the girl who had an operation on her left side? She’s all right now. Geez, thank god, it’d suck being all left. I can’t seem to sleep lying down lately and your inverted sex swing in the rec room is really awkward so I’ve resorted to sleeping in the upright coffin in the guest morgue. Hey I thought we could finally make that video we talked about—you know—2 girls, one cup and a tub of Flamey McFirecrack’s Intestinal-Melt Chili. Our parents are going to be so proud that seven years of college is finally paying off! Say that reminds me, did you ever get that fart smell out of your new car? Coincidently I may have left my coffee can of special leavings in your trunk. Uh, yeah, the same can with the bad seal that always spills all over. Hmm, maybe I blew my ass junk in your trunk.

Doctor says I gots me some of that caucus fever baby,

Kristin


Song of the Day:
James Pants, “Ka$h (Peanut Butter Wolf Remix)”

Happy New Year