WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He’s a ladies man unafraid to dance in public, considers fresh breath a priority and likes a real clean, close shave. As King of the Dipshits, he'll start the evening having never bagged a babe and making a risky bet with dorks Bryce and Cliff over a dozen floppy disks in exchange for underpants--girls underpants. After interfacing with fully aged sophomore meat vulnerable since her family forgot her 16th birthday (and horrified that her grandmother felt her up), Farmer Ted will convince her to let him borrow her underpants. Ever the entrepreneur, he’ll secretly charge a $1 a freshman to see the panties in the boy’s bathroom, and later tonight, he'll become a Paco Camino Man losing his virginity with prom queen Carolyn Mulford in a Rolls Royce parked across the street from his church. Despite two witnesses, photo proof proved elusive.

RIP screenwriter extraordinaire, John Hughes.