Sunday, May 27, 2007

It Just Ain't Memorial Day Without Captain America Bursting Out of a Van on a Motorcycle...

Holy crap. Are you serious? This is like the worst shit I've ever seen and I've seen some serious crap. Swear to god don't ever call me again.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Christ, Can't This President Get Anything Right?

Oh snap, it's "Click It or Ticket" week? "Say, why don't I just pull the 'ol truck up to these here reporters without wearing my seat belt, and hell, maybe do a line off the dashboard too.."

Monday, May 14, 2007

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Holy crap, we’re finally graduating! Well at least that’s what I think I’m going to say to all our friends and families in like three years or so when we actually do graduate. But I suppose that all depends on our upcoming high court inquiry by the DEA commission into our intricate smuggling ring selling volleyballs filled with our farts through the basement of the community activity annex and then transporting them across state lines into Mexico and Canada where they are coveted as novelty exploding gag souvenirs for blind people because their sense of smell is heightened. Hey, who knew there’s lots of stuff in the yellow pages? I thought those were just for ordering pizzas. Or bail bondsmen.

I trimmed my front bush to look like a bunny. Everyone on the street just loves to stare at it,


Song of the Day:

Malfunkshun, “With Yo Heart (Not Yo Hands)”

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Marvelous Youtube Discovery #93: Mystery Man Plays Van Halen's "Eruption" on a Violin

Well done my fleet-fingered friend. I could feel your fingers burning, your brain totally on fire, thinking to yourself, "I'm playing 'Eruption' at ludicrous speed, suddenly remembering the movie Spaceballs because there's a Van Halen song used in the movie during the space diner scene where Mel Brooks spoofs the part in Alien when that monster thing blows out of that guys stomach and does a ragtime dance on the counter, except that was a Sammy Hagar song called 'Good Enough' and not a song sung by David Lee Roth, whom without a doubt is the best singer the group has ever had. Alright, about now I've got about one blistering minute left and so far I'm totally killin.' But coming up is that insane tapping part, which I've never tried to play before, so let's get ready and ...focus..focus..oops, slight slip there, hold on, that's it, I'm back on track. Got it together now. "Okay, big finish and boom--I stick the landing! Okay then, let's tie this puppy off with a couple of totally tasty licks from 'You Really Got Me' and baby I'm home!"

My inspiration? My buddy bet me a jazz cigarette I couldn't do it.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Decadent Smut: Christina Enchanted, 1979

A Seductive Journey Into Haunting Magic And Erotic Fantasy

Beautiful, fabulously wealthy Christina van Bell is drawn into a circle of psychics who unleash their powers in dangerous ways. Held captive by the demonic forces of a threatening mystic, she journeys to worlds beyond living experience, surrendering to unearthly seduction and falling prey to the horrors of forbidden passion.

Christina is vacationing in London when she receives a phone call from the dead; someone has tampered with the family fortune, and Christina stands to lose half of all she owns. Suddenly she must submerge herself in bizarre world of orgiastic spiritualists and spell-casting magicians, strange mystics who will introduce her to incredible new dimensions of pleasure and passion.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Flight Patterns

visual data animation of the jetset