LIGHT CRITICISM

The following handwritten letter was found tonight, crumpled up on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I realize the recently released reality show realigning reciprocal real estate realtors is really recalcitrant and reasonably ridiculous. Damn, I bit my tongue when I wrote that just now. With my pen I mean. I mean my teeth bit my tongue. Not my pen of course, because it’s like totally inanimate—unless you’ve got one of those new biting pens, then you'll wanna keep it away from your mouth and when buffing the ‘ol round mound (ouch!). Say, how’s your unsightly back acne? I’ll rub you down with Clearasil again if you want. Let me know because I’m like, so busy pretending to fake my way through imaginary hypothetical situations as an invisible deaf mute. Well, only theoretically of course.

You’ll never believe where I got a whiffle ball stuck,

Kristin


Song of the Day:

Issac Hayes, “Hyperbolicsllabicsesquedalymistic”

The Van Halen Boys Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love

It’s on! The Van Halen reunion tour with David Lee Roth is finally on! I’ve only been waiting for this since May 18, 1981 when a Roth-led Van Halen played my hometown of Rochester, NY. However I was far too young to attend a concert since my parents were firm believers that such ear-splitting devil music was an "audile gateway drug to Satan’s cauldron of rock and roll hell." Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Van Halen also played Buffalo’s Auditorium 7-31-81, The Carrier Dome in Syracuse 10-9-82, and the "Aud" again on 3-22-84. Ancient Van Halen fans might remember the original lineup destroying Manley Fieldhouse in Syracuse, NY on 5-17-79 and again the next night in Rochester, NY at the War Memorial.

But wait, “Didn’t they play here in 1980?” Well, yes they did. Pat yourself on the back because you didn’t burn that brain cell after probably chugging a dozen Schlitz talls and puffing pounds of pre-show pot in the parking lot.

Anyway, just a week after David Lee Roth was charged with a misdemeanor in Cincinnati “For complicity in inciting others to violate the fire code,” Van Halen played the Buffalo Memorial Aud on May 5, 1980 (which now sits empty and is sadly scheduled for demolition) and the next night in Rochester at the War Memorial (now the Blue Cross Arena).

Oh yeah. The photo up top there. It’s circa-1959 Amsterdam. That’s Alexander Arthur Van Halen on the left eating a cookie and playing a xylophone and Edward Lodewijk Van Halen on the right taking over drums from his brother.

A decade and a half later, Eddie Van Halen would turn the guitar world on it’s ear after forming the greatest party band of all time in Pasadena, California with a cocky playboy singer named David Roth. And don't forget that Alex's powerhouse drumming totally kicked ass too.

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

A game player who just happened to wander into a ritzy downtown hangout on ladies night, he’s a backgammon wolf in sheep’s clothing who knows how to score. Sporting feathered hair and studly sideburns that the chicks dig, he’s got threads so he hot, he’ll still be rocking forty years from now when blousy earth-toned henna-patterned silk shirts come back in style. “Say, how’d you ladies like to come back to my place for some drinks? We could put some Mancini on the stereo and maybe smoke a joint in the Jacuzzi.” Hey love gambler---go ahead and roll the dice because you’re reading Paco Camino.

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the sun-drenched marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

This summer camp sucks big-time ass! My drawing class is sketchy at best and I caught my chewing professor feverishly masticating at lunch. Say at what point do you stop using rectal thermometers as novelty drink stirrers? My gut says when spicy tacos attack, but my ass says “Gut, goddamit--I get all your shit and I’m fucking sick of it! Why don’t we send some processed cheese the other way out for once?” Hmm, this might sound crazy, but maybe I've been hallucinating on toxic pine bark laced with bad-grade heroin which I've been unkowingly burning as incense at my exclusive kick-ass crochet house parties.

Dog fighting is bad, but after-hours cat juggling and fish-teasing is just horrific,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

Van Halen “Act Like It Hurts” demo

It's Called Gettin' Down in the 25th Century

Horny Space Princess: What are you doing?
Buck Rogers: It's called gettin' down. It's a little before your time if it frightens you.
Horny Space Princess: Nothing frightens me!
Buck Rogers: Alright fine then get down and boogie.

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered crumpled up on the steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I put my mad acting skills on full display when I groped my way through the Ironic Contradiction TV Convention as a blind sober seeing alcoholic astronaut discharged from NASA because I claimed a well meaning, but over anxious genie lived with me at my house in the 60’s. It was touchy feely until I was manhandled by a woman wearing kid gloves. Hey how many times a week do you shave your feet? The tops of my toes look like thick pube mustaches and that fiery rash between my boobs has quickly spread to my armpits. Oh yeah, I’ve been using your deodorant the past couple of days since my deodorant ran out a couple days ago and wearing your sport bras and putting them back in your drawer without washing them.

Don’t worry you can share my calamine lotion,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

“How I Feel” Wax Tailor

Flight of the Conchords, "Bowie Song"

Natural blues

seeing christina ricci as a gyrating angel ontop of a tv set is titillating. this is one of moby's magnum opus.

Celebrate Freedom with Schlitz Malt Liquor