The following handwritten letter was found yesterday on the blustery marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Like clockwork I overslept again. And wouldn’t you know it—my brown eye has a nasty case of ass conjunctivitis. Well that’s what my proctologist told to me during my last optometrist appointment. Don’t it make my brown eye pink, huh? Damn, I’m like so freaking depressed that Conan O’Brien is moving his show from New York City to California. Now how the fuck am I going to stalk him? Groan, everything’s just really confusing since my unseasonable water retention has caused my brain to swell. Hey at least your tip about using string cheese when you’re out of tampons was aged to perfection.

I never have a clue when my monthly period is going to show up,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

The Mayyors, “Metro”