Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The following handwritten letter was found crumpled up on the early autumn marble steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
Hey did you know the Olympics are on? You probably haven’t heard of him, but there’s this hot swimmer dude named Michael Phelps that I have a total crush on, so I’ve been sending him tons of sexually inappropriate text messages. At breakfast, I’d gladly lick three fried egg cheese sandwiches with tomatoes, lettuce, onions and mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes, a five-egg omelet, three slices of French toast, a bowl of grits and two cups of coffee off his ripped abs. Then at lunch, I’d eat pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches off his taut, muscled ass, and don’t get me started about dinner, when I’d slurp off another pound of pasta (with carbonara sauce) and a large cheese pizza off his gold medal dorsal fin.
Whew, Phelps gets me wet, strokes it hard and stays in lane between my buoys, baby,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
Kraak & Smaak, “Squeeze Me”
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?
He’s a neon suitor on the town, in demand, living large, born to rock and ready to roll. Turning heads at every corner, he’s well read, on the prowl and dressed to kill. Down with the hip crowd and up on the latest fashion trends, his impeccable style, square jaw line and mysterious eyes only distract from the fact he’s hung like a fearless sexual stuntman breaking long-standing world records. Electrifying live wire Crue women, the Paco Camino Man is a high voltage AC/DC legend lighting up forgotten Van Halen II skies while grounding mortal men powerless with zoo-like Scorpionic blackout envy.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Retarded: Not for retards anymore.
I’m perplexed by the recent flap over the usage of the word “retarded” in the new Ben Stiller flick, Tropic Thunder. Obviously meant as silly humor (remember There’s Something About Mary?), the word has upset both handicap organizations and special education teachers. In fact, they’ve started a boycott campaign that only intrigues more people to see the film.
I think the whole thing is well, retarded.
It’s time to take back “retarded” and permanently amend it’s meaning. Yes, many years ago, the term harshly described mentally challenged, handicapped or disabled people. That’s why today we delicately call them“special.” Imbecile, moron and idiot were used too, but there’s little outrage when high-strung cabbies yell these words all day driving around New York City.
That’s just it—most use 'retarded' to describe a bad play call, a wretched reality show, or the god awful speech by Miss South Carolina at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant. Retarded is unrelenting tabloid celebrity gossip. Retarded sums up the Iraq War. And some of the best times I've ever had occurred when being retarded with my dearest friends. No one uses retarded to refer to someone mentally ill anymore. That's retarded.
Relax people—this is just like the word, "gay" which overwhelmingly denotes homosexuality. Half a century ago, gay was mainly used to describe anyone feeling pretty (oh so pretty), or wearing festive clothing at Christmastime. But over time our gay brothers commandeered it. Big deal. The public got over it.
Retarded. Not for retards anymore. Kidding! Yow, lighten up. It’s a new word now.
