Friday, August 31, 2007

Players Choice Couple: Suddenly busted for stumbling in with an empty wine bottle and carrying his shoes (no time to untie them I see).

"It was one warm July night—rather, morning—about five a.m. in one of them newfangled swingers apartment buildings uptown midtown. Harvy Jones had moved there due to the persistent urgings of his wife, Vikki, who wanted to live the glamorous and stylish life she imagined all young swinging couples lived—the best of everything, food, cars, bad pads, furs, rings and things, etc."

Ten bucks says this ends badly.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Vintage Ad #71: Cruex Jock Itch Powder, 1977

Chafing? Rash? Groin irritation? Any man can get them, especially if you’re active and work up a sweat. That’s why you need Cruex, the medicated powder that gives you fast, soothing relief, plus special medication that fights the causes of Jock Itch. Cruex, the product made specifically for Jock Itch and other groin irritations.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Friday, August 24, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The following handwritten letter was found tonight, crumpled up on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I realize the recently released reality show realigning reciprocal real estate realtors is really recalcitrant and reasonably ridiculous. Damn, I bit my tongue when I wrote that just now. With my pen I mean. I mean my teeth bit my tongue. Not my pen of course, because it’s like totally inanimate—unless you’ve got one of those new biting pens, then you'll wanna keep it away from your mouth and when buffing the ‘ol round mound (ouch!). Say, how’s your unsightly back acne? I’ll rub you down with Clearasil again if you want. Let me know because I’m like, so busy pretending to fake my way through imaginary hypothetical situations as an invisible deaf mute. Well, only theoretically of course.

You’ll never believe where I got a whiffle ball stuck,


Song of the Day:

Issac Hayes, “Hyperbolicsllabicsesquedalymistic”

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Van Halen Boys Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love

It’s on! The Van Halen reunion tour with David Lee Roth is finally on! I’ve only been waiting for this since May 18, 1981 when a Roth-led Van Halen played my hometown of Rochester, NY. However I was far too young to attend a concert since my parents were firm believers that such ear-splitting devil music was an "audile gateway drug to Satan’s cauldron of rock and roll hell." Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Van Halen also played Buffalo’s Auditorium 7-31-81, The Carrier Dome in Syracuse 10-9-82, and the "Aud" again on 3-22-84. Ancient Van Halen fans might remember the original lineup destroying Manley Fieldhouse in Syracuse, NY on 5-17-79 and again the next night in Rochester, NY at the War Memorial.

But wait, “Didn’t they play here in 1980?” Well, yes they did. Pat yourself on the back because you didn’t burn that brain cell after probably chugging a dozen Schlitz talls and puffing pounds of pre-show pot in the parking lot.

Anyway, just a week after David Lee Roth was charged with a misdemeanor in Cincinnati “For complicity in inciting others to violate the fire code,” Van Halen played the Buffalo Memorial Aud on May 5, 1980 (which now sits empty and is sadly scheduled for demolition) and the next night in Rochester at the War Memorial (now the Blue Cross Arena).

Oh yeah. The photo up top there. It’s circa-1959 Amsterdam. That’s Alexander Arthur Van Halen on the left eating a cookie and playing a xylophone and Edward Lodewijk Van Halen on the right taking over drums from his brother.

A decade and a half later, Eddie Van Halen would turn the guitar world on it’s ear after forming the greatest party band of all time in Pasadena, California with a cocky playboy singer named David Roth. And don't forget that Alex's powerhouse drumming totally kicked ass too.

Friday, August 03, 2007


A game player who just happened to wander into a ritzy downtown hangout on ladies night, he’s a backgammon wolf in sheep’s clothing who knows how to score. Sporting feathered hair and studly sideburns that the chicks dig, he’s got threads so he hot, he’ll still be rocking forty years from now when blousy earth-toned henna-patterned silk shirts come back in style. “Say, how’d you ladies like to come back to my place for some drinks? We could put some Mancini on the stereo and maybe smoke a joint in the Jacuzzi.” Hey love gambler---go ahead and roll the dice because you’re reading Paco Camino.