Happy New Year! 1980 is going to rock!

Bullshit or Not! December 30, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. End, Presents A Girl Called Trouble
2. Phoebe Killdeer & The Short Straws, Weather’s Coming
3. Twilight Sad, Killed My Parents And Hit The Road
4. Jack Meoff, Jack Be Quick ‘Cause Mom’s Pulling In The Driveway
5. Freddie Cruger, Just Chillin’ In The Spot
6. The Ricardo Montalbans, Vincent Ludwig’s Fantasy Island
7. Eyeballin’ Torpedoes, Los Pobres Diablos
8. Spanky & The Perpetrators, Fistful of Delicious Ass Sandwich
9. Flunkin’ Calculus, Mathematically Still Alive
10. Reverend Sweat Leaf, Worship at the Dopethrone

Legit!
1. End, End Presents A Girl Called Trouble
2. Phoebe Killdeer & The Short Straws, Weather’s Coming
3. Twilight Sad, Killed My Parents And Hit The Road
5. Freddie Cruger, Just Chillin’ In The Spot
7. Eyeballin’ Torpedoes, Los Pobres Diablos

Bullshit!
4. Jack Meoff, Jack Be Quick ‘Cause Mom’s Pulling In The Driveway
6. The Ricardo Montalbans, Vincent Ludwig’s Fantasy Island
8. Spanky & The Perpetrators, Fistful of Delicious Ass Sandwich
9. Flunkin’ Calculus, Mathematically Still Alive
10. Reverend Sweat Leaf, Worship at the Dopethrone

And now a word from our sponsors. The Hair Wiz

Vintage Ad: Camel cigarettes, 1974

Video Flashback: Bee Gees, "Night Fever"

Decadent Smut: Christina’s Search, 1978

AN EROTIC VOYAGE INTO UNKNOWN WORLDS OF ECSTASY AND POSSESSION. Beautiful heiress Christina van Bell embarks on a delicious odyssey in search of the meaning and significance of her pleasure-sated life. Her worldwide journey develops into undreamed-of adventures in Africa, Haiti, Ibiza and other far-flung and exotic places, and Christina is voluptuously--and eagerly--entwined in the ultimate glories of passionate excess.

Damn fine holiday listening material

Vintage Ad: Kijafa cherry wine, 1974

KISS Saves Santa!

In case you missed it earlier, I got my own copy of KISS Saves Santa!

Bullshit or Not! December 23, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. The Rampton Release Date, Relax You’re Nearly Dead
2. Grimey Bruce, Creepin’ While You Sleep
3. Martin and the Martians, David and the Davidians
4. Slayer, Christmas & New Year In The Abyss
5. Half Nelson, Your Throat Ain’t No Match For My Death Grip
6. Leng T’che & Fuck the Facts, Split
7. Various Artists, Ice-T Gangsta String Tribute
8. Captain Concho, From The Hills To the Plains
9. Dub Scouts, Hailblazers
10. Various Artists, Hi-NRG Tribute to Wham!

Legit!
1. The Rampton Release Date, Relax You’re Nearly Dead
2. Grimey Bruce, Creepin’ While You Sleep
6. Leng T’che & Fuck the Facts, Split
8. Captain Concho, From The Hills To the Plains
9. Dub Scouts, Hailblazers

Bullshit!
3. Martin and the Martians, David and the Davidians
4. Slayer, Christmas & New Year In The Abyss
5. Half Nelson, Your Throat Ain’t No Match For My Death Grip
7. Various Artists, Hi-NRG Tribute to Wham!
10. Various Artists, Ice-T Gangsta String Tribute

Fu Manchu for no reason other than they rock. So hard.

"Coyote Duster" live at the Troubadour on the evening of April 5, 2008.

Santa Pez: a fine way to say Merry Christmas

And now a word from our sponsors.

Vintage Ad: Dr. Grabow pre-smoked pipes, 1971

Sessions Presents: A Peter Griffin Christmas

Vintage Ad: Alka-Seltzer, 1979

Center Video Center lights up the holidays

All I want for Christmas is a VCR the size of a suitcase.

Big fat Christmas gift idea #27

Vintage Ad: Chesterfield cigarettes, 1950

A ribald rendition of Jingle Bell Rock

Jingle whore, jingle whore, jingle whore, cock
Jingle whores swing and jingle whores ring
Blowing and throwing up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle whore, jingle whore, jingle whore, cock
Jingle whores chime in jingle whore time
Pole dancing and hooking in jingle Whore Square
In the lusty air

What a bright time, it’s the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle whore time is a swell time
To go Astro-gliding in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy up jingle whore, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and-a-mingle in the jingling back seat

That’s the jingle whore
That’s the jingle whore
That’s the jingle whore
That’s the jingle whore cock

Bullshit or Not! December 16, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Lexy & K-Paul, Komisch Elektronisch
2. Baby Rasta and Gringo, The Comeback
3. Satan, Court in the Act
4. Bun B and Slim Thug, Street Bosses
5. Carcass, Necroticism: Descanting the Insalubrious
6. Potbelleez, Potbelleez
7. Nightmare on Antstreet, Nightmare on Antstreet
8. Freekey Zekey, Henny and a Cigarette
9. Ha Ha the Moose, Alce En Vivo De Los Muertos
10. Jegsy Dodd & the Original Sinners, Loquacious, Loquacious, Loquacious

Legit!
1. Lexy & K-Paul, Komisch Elektronisch
2. Baby Rasta and Gringo, The Comeback
3. Satan, Court in the Act
4. Bun B and Slim Thug, Street Bosses
5. Carcass, Necroticism: Descanting the Insalubrious
6. Potbelleez, Potbelleez
7. Nightmare on Antstreet, Nightmare on Antstreet
8. Freekey Zekey, Henny and a Cigarette
9. Ha Ha the Moose, Alce En Vivo De Los Muertos
10. Jegsy Dodd & the Original Sinners, Loquacious, Loquacious, Loquacious

Bullshit!
None! Sorry for the fake out. Feeling lazy.

Charlie Brown Jihad Christmas

Vintage Ad: Crow light whiskey, 1973

Elizabeth Montgomery: US savings bonds make great gifts

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the wintry marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I’m like totally digging the new Old Spice industrial strength deodorant, except it makes my pits burn like flesh-eating acid and I smell like a musty sack of jock straps, but at least my elbows no longer have rivers of sweat streaming past them to my hands, which fuck up my dope ball-handling skills on the playground. No teen spirit here. I’ve also found that farting into my Uggs keeps my hands warm during class, except now my feet are cold without having boots on. I suppose I should get some mittens and then I could transfer them to my feet. Or whatever. I’m just not thinking straight since my freak obsession with The Hills has spun out of control. I’m blinded with irrational rage because Heidi married that stupid fuckwad Spencer, plus I’m slowly getting the sneaking suspicion that everyone’s jobs are fake. Seriously, these girls shouldn’t even be driving.

“You are tearing me apart, Lisa!”

Kristin

Song of the Day:

Ice-T, “Rhyme Syndicate”

R.I.P. Bettie Page

Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!

Vintage Ad: J&B Scotch, 1971

Bullshit or Not! December 9, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Mr. Tube and the Flying Objects, Listen Up
2. Pink Floyd, Candy Canes at the Gates of Dawn
3. Gonads, Live Free Die Free
4. Hot Moves, Funkin’ You To Death
5. Grave in the Sky, Cutlery Hits China
6. Various Artists, Christmas in Crapville
7. Gruesome Stuff Relish, Teenage Giallo Grind
8. Jeffree Star, Cupcakes Taste Like Violence
9. Oversmoke, "Say, Veronica, Does France Have The Internet?”
10. Julius Moonglow, Atomic Milkshake

Legit!
1. Mr. Tube and the Flying Objects, Listen Up
3. Gonads, Live Free Die Free
5. Grave in the Sky, Cutlery Hits China
7. Gruesome Stuff Relish, Teenage Giallo Grind
8. Jeffree Star, Cupcakes Taste Like Violence

Bullshit!
2. Pink Floyd, Candy Canes at the Gates of Dawn
4. Hot Moves, Funkin’ You To Death
6. Various Artists, Christmas in Crapville
9. Oversmoke, "Say, Veronica, Does France Have The Internet?”
10. Julius Moonglow, Atomic Milkshake

They Like it Bruno!

Video Flashback: 1941

Damn fine listening material: Skaterdater, 1966

KISS Saves Santa

Vintage Ad: Clairol beauty products, 1974

Bullshit or Not! December 2, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. (Some) Assembly Required, Dreaming Big Will Only Give You Nightmares
2. The Doors, Christmas with The Doors: Celebration of the Heat Miser
3. Mr. Shit, The Bad, The Good and the Ugly
4. Jingle Dogs, Puppy Holidays
5. Uterus, From You To Us
6. Peepo Gotcha, Purple Stank
7. Honeybees, Hive Jive
8. Audio Sex, Female Intuition
9. Jingle Gerbils, Coming Down Your Chimney
10. On the Surface, Down Deep

Legit!
1. (Some) Some Assembly Required, Dreaming Big Will Only Give You Nightmares
3. Mr. Shit, The Bad, The Good and the Ugly
4. Jingle Dogs, Puppy Holidays
7. Honeybees, Hive Jive
8. Audio Sex, Female Intuition

Bullshit!
2. The Doors, Christmas with The Doors: Celebration of the Heat Miser
5. Uterus, From You To Us
6. Peepo Gotcha, Purple Stank
9. Jingle Gerbils , Coming Down Your Chimney
10. On the Surface, Down Deep

Vintage Ad: Florsheim Idlers, 1975

Damn fine reading material. Fast, Loose and Lovely, 1950

OJ certainly knows how to carve up jive turkeys and ham.

Burning Brides live with Fu Manchu and A.S.G.

Not bad for a drunk amateur recording. Burning Brides perform " Feel No Shame" at Columbus Ohio's famed Ravari Room on Saturday March 15, 2008. Fuck yeah!

Bullshit or Not! November 25, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Doctor Know, Fuck Off And Die
2. Texas Motherfuckers, Freaks
3. Brain Donor, Drain’d Boner
4. Mississippi Motherfuckers, Southern Fried
5. Balls, Chameleon
6. Bitchslap Motherfuckers, Stupefied
7. Alabama Killjoy, Darn Tootin’
8. Medicated Motherfuckers, Relapsed
9. Hands of Stone, Curse of the Dropsies
10. Smackle, Poppin’ and Lockin’

Legit!
1. Doctor Know, Fuck Off And Die
2. Texas Motherfuckers, Freaks
3. Brain Donor, Drain’d Boner
5. Balls, Chameleon
8. Medicated Motherfuckers, Relapsed

Bullshit!
4. Mississippi Motherfuckers, Southern Fried
6. Bitchslap Motherfuckers, Stupefied
7. Alabama Killjoy, Darn Tootin’
9. Hands of Stone, Curse of the Dropsies
10. Smackle, Poppin’ and Lockin’

Dostana, "Mere Dosto"

Damn fine listening material: Bartok Piano Concerto, 1956

Vintage Ad: Dingo boots, 1971

Soul Train dancers 1973

Decadent Smut: Christina’s Desire, 1978

A SENSUOUS NOVEL OF GLAMOUR AND PASSION. Christina's endless quest for forbidden pleasures and new thrills leads her briefly into the dazzling world of big-time superjocks. As she conducts her own championships with the most attractive sports figures of the day, the scoring is multiple and extraordinary.

Bullshit or Not! November 18, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, La Luz Del Ritmo
2. Max Tundra, Parallax Error Beheads You
3. All Night Drug Prowling Wolves, All Night Drug Prowling Wolves
4. Knowledge Fist, Meditation For Dummies
5. Brown Air, Serious as a Fart Attack
6. Funckarma, Dudstone 2
7. Choking Hazard, Safety Issues
8. The Service Industry, Keep The Babies Warm
9. Rehash, Repeat After Me
10. Various Artists, Red Zeppelin: The Communist Tribute to Led Zeppelin

Legit!
1. Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, La Luz Del Ritmo
2. Max Tundra, Parallax Error Beheads You
3. All Night Drug Prowling Wolves, All Night Drug Prowling Wolves
6. Funckarma, Dudstone 2
8. The Service Industry, Keep The Babies Warm

Bullshit!
4. Knowledge Fist, Meditation For Dummies
5. Brown Air, Serious as a Fart Attack
7. Choking Hazard, Safety Issues
9. Rehash, Repeat After Me
10. Various Artists, Red Zeppelin: The Communist Tribute to Led Zeppelin

Video Flashback: Teen Witch, 1989

The following letter was found crumpled among the windswept leaves on the hallowed grounds of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Your youthful exuberance is getting old. I’d freaking slap you myself, but unfortunately I burned my hands trying to light a fart at a self-serve gas station last week. Who knew those spicy tacos would kick in during one of my psychopathic drug-induced paranoia attacks? You know how it is. Anyway, how’s your indoor plumbing? Flowing? Getting the pipes cleaned if you know what I mean? No seriously, I hope the bathroom remodeling contractor isn’t screwing you over. Why? What were you thinking? Hey is it possible to catch legionnaire’s disease from over stretching longus/adductor groups when the middle third of the linea aspera is innervated by the obtruator nerve of the femoral triangle? Because lately all my cat does is sit around crocheting and listening to Steely Dan and like, I'm like mega concerned.

My physiatrist says he’s going to write a book about me,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

Lady Dottie and the Diamonds, “I Ain’t Mad Atch Ya”

Damn fine listening material: Pacho Benavides, canta un tiple

Classic Schoolhouse Rock: Three is a Magic Number

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He’s a thrift store superhero. His conquests include scoring a sexual positions black light poster at a flea market in Santa Monica, a wire art painting of a unicorn riding a rainbow at a community garage sale in Monterey, and a black velvet painting of Elvis dead on a toilet at a gas station in San Juan Capistrano. Hot women are powerlessly attracted to this stud who really knows his crap, and this dirty blonde browser just can’t help overhearing his suggestion to use a native American pot for “dried cat tails, incense burning or even weed storage.” Maybe it was his authoritative tan adventure outfit or his sexy antique observations, but this Paco Camino Man is going home with a charmed brunette, a curio blonde and something to throw his spare change in.

Bullshit or Not! November 11, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Boogers, Road to Rock
2. Purple Cake, Super Happy Joyous Occasion
3. Various Artists, Master of Trumpets: A Horn Tribute to Metallica
4. Whales and Cops, Great Bouncing Icebergs
5. Dance Club Massacre, Circle of Death
6. Northeast Lavalords, The Menace Complex
7. The Stabs, Get to the Point
8. Recycler, Show Us Your Cans
9. Pig Destroyer, Natasha
10. Joe the Plumber, Joe Mama Ain’t Licensed

Legit!
1. Boogers, Road to Rock
4. Whales and Cops, Great Bouncing Icebergs
5. Dance Club Massacre, Circle of Death
6. Northeast Lavalords, The Menace Complex
9. Pig Destroyer, Natasha

Bullshit!
2. Purple Cake, Super Happy Joyous Occasion
3. Various Artists, Master of Trumpets: A Horn Tribute to Metallica
7. The Stabs, Get to the Point
8. Recycler, Show Us Your Cans
10. Joe the Plumber, Joe Mama Ain’t Licensed

Vintage Ad: Black Velvet, 1979

Gatorade: It's Really Something!

Horny babe #1: (embarassed) We don't have any coffee
Horny babe #2: How about some of the 'or something?'
John Holmes: The 'or something' sounds like fun (cue tongue curl and unzipping)

Damn fine listen: Philomena Begley, Truckin' Queen 1977

Vintage Ad: Campus clothing, 1970

Freaks and Geeks: Neil Peart Sucks

Fantastic scene. With Nick (Jason Segel) temporarily crashing at the Weir’s house, he interrupts quiet hour cranking Rush’s “Tom Sawyer.” With a stunned Sam and Lindsay eavesdropping, Mr. Weir offers Nick some clutch encouragement and also points out that drummer Neil Peart is terrible compared to the amazing talent of Gene Krupa.

Time for Carpet Square!

What me worry?

Bullshit or Not! November 4, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Black Moth Super Rainbow, Drippers
2. Grampall Jookabox, Ropechain
3. Precious Lipstick, These Bunnies Died For Your Face
4. The So So Glos, Tourism/Terrorism
5. Various Artists, Gangsta Tribute To Hillary Duff
6. The Bongshoremen, Hookah Fire Down At The Docks
7. Assbunch Cyanide, Deadly Chemical Wedgies
8. The Number Twelve Looks Like You, Put On Your Rosey Red Glasses
9. Desolation Wilderness, White Light Strobing
10. Tiny Gargantuan, The Huge Smallness of the Giant Dwarf

Legit!
1. Black Moth Super Rainbow, Drippers
2. Grampall Jookabox, Ropechain
4. The So So Glos, Tourism/Terrorism
8. The Number Twelve Looks Like You, Put On Your Rosey Red Glasses
9. Desolation Wilderness, White Light Strobing

Bullshit!
3. Precious Lipstick, These Bunnies Died For Your Face
5. Various Artists, Gangsta Tribute To Hillary Duff
6. The Bongshoremen, Hookah Fire Down At The Docks
7. Assbunch Cyanide, Deadly Chemical Wedgies
10. Tiny Gargantuan, The Huge Smallness of the Giant Dwarf

Hardcore Punk Flashback: Black Flag "Slip It In"

Vintage Ad: Winston cigarettes, 1974

Ramones, "I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement"

The Addams Family Halloween Special

Bullshit or Not! October 28, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Landmine Marathon, Rusted Eyes Awake
2. Dr. Know, Fuck Off and Die
3. I Am Robot and Proud, Uphill City
4. Total Fucking Destruction, Peace, Love, and Total Fucking Destruction
5. Dog Fashion Disco, Beating a Dead Horse to Death…Again
6. Carcass, Reek of Putrefaction
7. Those Poor Bastards, Satan Is Watching
8. Dead By Wednesday, Killing Project
9. Brutal Truth, For Drug Crazed Grindfreaks Only!
10. Dagoba, Facing The Colossus

Legit!
1. Landmine Marathon, Rusted Eyes Awake
2. Dr. Know, Fuck Off and Die
3. I Am Robot and Proud, Uphill City
4. Total Fucking Destruction, Peace, Love, and Total Fucking Destruction
5. Dog Fashion Disco, Beating a Dead Horse to Death…Again
6. Carcass, Reek of Putrefaction
7. Those Poor Bastards, Satan Is Watching
8. Dead By Wednesday, Killing Project
9. Brutal Truth, For Drug Crazed Grindfreaks Only!
10. Dagoba, Facing The Colossus

Bullshit!
None! They're all real CDs available now.

And now a word from our sponsors.

Halloween at Woolworth's, 1978

Damn fine listening material: Nirvana, Trick Or Treat, 1991

There's no better rock & roll fantasy than a small time band on the verge of newfound stardom with an exploding album, headlining for a hometown crowd. This was the scenario Halloween night 1991, days after Nevermind had quickly gone gold; Seattle's Paramount Theatre was witness to a now truly powerful band. Professionally filmed by Geffen, but shelved as a possible movie release, footage was used for the "Lithium" video, and the feature-length Live Sold Out, while audio clips were used as B-sides; later, "Negative Creep" appeared on the posthumous From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah live compilation. Nirvana's excellent performance, matching sound quality, along with a killer set list, makes Trick or Treat a historically relevant recording. Crushing versions of "Breed," "Negative Creep," "Blew" and "Aneurysm" are interspersed with the exuberance and beauty of "Lithium," "About a Girl" and "Been a Son." Manufactured in Italy, KTS bootlegs have a fine reputation for premium sound quality and packaging -- the only flaw anywhere is the spelling of the opener, "Jesus Doesn't Want Me for a Sunbeam." Bassist Krist Novoselic was the mouthpiece of the evening, chiding the crowd that only two percent of the audience dressed in costume, unless they were all supposed to be punk rockers, and later commenting that "there's more cameras in here than in a 7-11." Dave Grohl's bombastic yet tight, precise drumming should draw comparisons to Black Sabbath's Bill Ward and Led Zeppelin's John Bonham. Foremost on display though is Kurt Cobain's piercing, guttural voice and the amazing simplicity of his words and music that mesmerized millions. Simply put, this is the '90s equivalent of the Who's Live at Leeds, caught at a revolutionary peak before a haze of drugs, creative pressure, media meddling and the "Sid and Nancy syndrome" ultimately led to Cobain's death, blackening but securing Nirvana's legacy. ~ Craig Curtice, All Music Guide

Disney's Haunted Halloween

Body on Tap

Beer shampoo ROCKS!

Bullshit or Not! October 21, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Vitamin String Quartet, Back In Baroque: The String Tribute to AC/DC
2. Jesus H Christ and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Happier Than You
3. Morbidly Skinny, Fatter Than Anorexia
4. Bob Gargle, Rinsin’ With Bob Gargle
5. The Jungle Puds, Swinging Males Dig The Females
6. Gang Gang Dance, Saint Dymphna
7. Boy Eats Drum Machine, Booomboxxx
8. Closet Nightmares, 14 Pounds of Shoebox Toenils
9. Street Meat, You’d Be Surprised
10. Durwood Haddock, I Done The Boogie Too Long

Legit!
1. Vitamin String Quartet, Back In Baroque: The String Tribute to AC/DC
2. Jesus H Christ and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Happier Than You
6. Gang Gang Dance, Saint Dymphna
7. Boy Eats Drum Machine, Booomboxxx
10. Durwood Haddock, I Done The Boogie Too Long

Bullshit!
3. Morbidly Skinny, Fatter Than Anorexia
4. Bob Gargle, Rinsin’ With Bob Gargle
5. The Jungle Puds, Swinging Males Dig The Females
8. Closet Nightmares, 14 Pounds of Shoebox Toenils
9. Street Meat, You’d Be Surprised

Damn fine reading material. Dracula, 1976

Zoinks! It's the Headless Horseman of Halloween.

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

The Paco Camino Man hates to wait for a date. Sure, she’s a complete and total fox that he’ll bed later tonight with enough animalistic abandon to potentially ruin her for the rest of her life, but for now he’s concerned about the agonizing manner of which she's getting ready for the big rock show. Luckily he’s wearing a cool, moisture-wicking Dacron turtleneck under a wrinkle-free acrylic & wool blend casual sport coat with matching ultra comfortable relax-fit pants, otherwise he might be sweating it. Of course there’s no need to fret, as the limo driver waiting outside is already paid for by all the members of Aerosmith (who owe him their big break after he discovered them playing a dive bar on a rainy Boston night some years ago). The Paco Camino Man. He likes his rock stars fucked up on coke and his women totally fine and on time.

O.J. wonders where do losers rent cars? Woo, hand, scary.

The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, 1976

KISS lip synchs "Detroit Rock City" for a Halloween TV Special hosted by Paul Lynde.

The following handwritten letter was recently discovered among the fall leaves on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I think I’m going to go this Halloween as either a bitchy fashionista slumming in a pair of saggy ass sweats and stretched out granny panties and I'll tie the whole ensem together with a White Russian-stained bathrobe. Or maybe I’ll glue my mouth shut and go as an armless prostitute locked in a crude medieval armor chastity belt I liberated from an Amsterdam sex museum last month. Now of course there’s the sublime irony that no one will get my costume, but it’d be a huge personal accomplishment to drink with my feet all night. I’d still have keep both my real arms attached to my body though (my doctor says amputation is rather foolish for a Halloween costume), so I would try to disguise my arms to appear like I don’t actually have any arms. Ya know, I heard Napoleon kept his armies in his sleevies. Hmm, maybe I could do that. Wow, isn't it like so weird that I simultaneously think of random stuff at completely different times?

Wrapping my feet in your medicated acne facial towels helps my swamp-foot problem,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

Pudding Snack Chaos, “Bill Cosby Gangsta Rap”

Phantasm, 1979

Is it a nightmare? Is it an illusion? Is it an evil? Is it a fantasy? Is it alive?
Whatever it is...if this one doesn't scare you, you're already dead.

Bullshit or Not! October 14, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Tobacco, Fucked Up Friends
2. Sleeping In The Aviary, Expensive Vomit In a Cheap Hotel
3. I’m From Barcelona, Who Killed Harry Houdini?
4. My Cat Smuggles Used Air Conditioners, Hot To The Touch
5. Sloppy Seconds, Endless Bummer
6. Beat Off Beat, Pounding Skin Drums Before Mom Gets Home
7. Wax Fang, La La Land
8. Hot Underwater Snatch, Eat Squid and Die
9. Various Artists, Pickin’ Them Bones: A Skiffle Tribute to Cannibal Corpse
10. Skankalicious, Bastard Contingency

Legit!
1. Tobacco, Fucked Up Friends
2. Sleeping In The Aviary, Expensive Vomit In a Cheap Hotel
3. I’m From Barcelona, Who Killed Harry Houdini?
5. Sloppy Seconds, Endless Bummer
7. Wax Fang, La La Land

Bullshit!
4. My Cat Smuggles Used Air Conditioners, Hot To The Touch
6. Beat Off Beat, Pounding Skin Drums Before Mom Gets Home
8. Hot Underwater Snatch, Eat Squid and Die
9. Various Artists, Pickin’ Them Bones: A Skiffle Tribute to Cannibal Corpse
10. Skankalicious, Bastard Contingency

Let's Paint T.V.: Halloween Special

Marvel in horror as Adelphia Cable Access host John Kilduff takes hilarious
phone calls from stoned idiots during his amateur hour painting show.

Brian Posehn Screaming For Fucking Vengeance!

The Fat Albert Halloween Special

Vintage Ad: Vivitar camera lenses, 1980

British Steel: Mastodon and Brian Posehn

Square Pegs Halloween Minisode

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

You know him as King Kong, but all the ladies call him King Dong. That’s 'cause he’s hung like a freaking monster. Okay, so he’s not a man, but like lots of men that go bananas for blondes in white dresses (who can really scream their heads off), he’s just a misunderstood antihero with a great smile. Hey you’d be pissed too if you were captured from Skull Island, transported in chains halfway around the globe to New York City and forced to appear as a circus attraction on Broadway. Unfortunately, the relationship between Man & Ape has always been rocky (just ask Charlton Heston or Jane Goodall). Some would say it was beauty that killed the beast, yet everyone knows it was actually airplanes shooting at him in the 1933 original and helicopters in the 1976 remake starring Jessica Lange. Ape or not, he’s still all Paco Camino Man.

Nothing Can Stand in Our Way,...Yes, It's "Magic"

Bullshit or Not! October 7, 2008 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. The Legendary Pink Dots, Plutonium Blonde
2. Skip Larvae, Playtime For Bananas
3. These Arms Are Snakes, Tail Swallower & Dove
4. Oh My God, Fools Want Noise
5. Down There!, Taint That a Shame
6. Various Artists, Reign in Bloodgrass: A Bluegrass Tribute to Slayer
7. Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s, Not Animal
8. Andy Bopp, This Guitar Kills Songwriters
9. Penguin Parts, Rafter Rock
10. Sixteen Gladstone, Perpetuate Hate

Legit!
1. The Legendary Pink Dots, Plutonium Blonde
3. These Arms Are Snakes, Tail Swallower & Dove
4. Oh My God, Fools Want Noise
7. Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s, Not Animal
8. Andy Bopp, This Guitar Kills Songwriters

Bullshit!
2. Skip Larvae, Playtime For Bananas
5. Down There!, Taint That a Shame
6. Various Artists, Reign in Bloodgrass: A Bluegrass Tribute to Slayer
9. Penguin Parts, Rafter Rock
10. Sixteen Gladstone, Perpetuate Hate