WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

He’s always rescuing fallen snow bunnies well-equipped with loose legs & tight bindings. Proving chivalry isn’t Better Off Dead, the Paco Camino Man is a powder hound sporting a golden ski tan, comforting smile and a perfectly tousled mane of winter hair. This snowblind stud has certainly made tracks since his formative teen years when he courted a cute French foreign exchange student who encouraged him to restore a vintage black Camaro sitting dormant on his front lawn like an auto cocoon. Not only that, but this hotdogger also brought a Van Halen cheeseburger to life and successfully skied the suicidal K-12 (on one ski no less) while being chased by a relentless paperboy trying to collect two dollars. You see, everybody wants some of this manninsh boy and his longtime friend Charles De Mar (who finally knows how to score real drugs). With the unstable street value of this mountain what is it is, the Paco Camino Man wisely points out the hotness of these two women is likely melting the snow and it may cause a sex avalanche. And with one look, they’ll all drive to his private chalet for some language lessons--that is after outracing two Japanese guys (one who can't speak English, while the other one learned to speak English by listening to Howard Cosell).