Vintage Ad. Schlitz Beer, 1967

say 'ello to my little frien!

1997 Fu Manchu should be opening for 2012 Van Halen.

Van Halen "Down in Flames," live 1978

Xaviera Hollander "The Hippie" 1973

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PACO CAMINO?

“Mind if I smoke?” Mind if I fart? An inaugural member of Saturday Night Live’s exclusive “Five-Timers Club,” he’s a wild and crazy guy at heart that just wants to hold onto some big American breasts. Born a poor black child in Mississippi, this jerk with a special purpose would one day become the rags to riches to rags inventor of the Opti-Grab, but not before establishing himself as an outspoken critic of illegal cat juggling in Mexico. Also responsible for making ancient Egyptian archeology sexy again with a silly song about a famous funky pharaoh, he’s walked in some cruel shoes and kicked getting small. All this Paco Camino Man really wishes now is that all the children of the world, would join hands, and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. And 30 million dollars a month. Tax free, in a Swiss bank account.

Vintage Ad: Winchester Little Cigars, 1974

And the wanton TV commercial:

With nary a Surgeon General's smoking warning anywhere in sight, the Winchester man easily snookers the boring blue blood boyfriend. Using a studly theme song ripped off from Santana, Winchester impressively steals a car and hijacks the willing hottie.

Van Halen live at the Pasadena Hilton, 1976

Van Halen covers David Bowie's "Jean Genie" at a local high school dance at the Pasadena Hilton ballroom in 1976. Despite some warpy audio, Eddie Van Halen (at age 21) totally mesmerizes with swirling guitar feedback, while David Lee Roth begins the song jabbering on about burning out a bowl and how people in NYC walk down the street snapping their fingers all the time like in West Side Story. Afterwards, Roth mockingly comments how the flyer for the dance read 'No Blue Jeans.' "Oooh, I didn't have a thing to wear.."

Decadent Smut: More Sexy Ladies, 1976

Eddie Van Halen still thinks Air Castle sucks

Vintage Porn poster: The Devil and Mr. Jones, 1975

Vintage Ad: Tiparillo, 1971