It's a Van Halen Miracle!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: ATTENTION ALL VAN HALEN FANS! THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!! 

 Warner Music Group and the Estate of Edward Van Halen have just announced the official release of a dozen Van Halen concert films from the 1970's & 80's. Crystal clear, meticulously restored frame by frame and expertly remastered with superb audio, this makes Led Zeppelin's 2003 DVD set look totally tame. 

 This highly anticipated box set titled, We Don't Fuck Around: The Mighty Van Halen Unchained, unearths lost archival footage so real & sweaty, you'll swear you were attending an epic summer backyard keg party in 1975, witnessing a pay-your-dues Friday night bar gig in deepest darkest Pomona in 1976, or gloriously watching Van Halen headline Madison Square Garden in 1984.

 If that didn't melt your face off, a proper Van Halen documentary is finally in the works: The Brown Sound--The Musical Genius & Existential Essence of Van Halen. Inside sources say it's a monumental combination of Dogtown and Z-Boys, Heavy Metal Parking Lot, and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. There's even rare footage from Jeff Spicoli's epic 1982 birthday party when he saved Brooke Shields from drowning. 

Still, even more ridiculously unbelievable, there's a Van Halen biopic that has started production. Simply titled Van Halen, it stars a cast of unknown actors portraying legendary guitarist Eddie Van Halen, older bother & drummer Alex Van Halen, wild frontman David Lee Roth, and 'Canon-Mouthed' bassist Michael Anthony. Some on set have said that the young actor playing EVH looks so much like Eddie, that the Academy of Arts & Sciences may just give him the Best Actor award now. Right Now. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. 

Lastly, like the lost city of Atlantis, the mythical 1979 concert appearance on The Midnight Special TV show is presented. Legend has it that the mini concert was recorded in late November 1979, but sat in a WB vault because of a secret, decades long, insane legal battle with the Manson Family. On the episode, Van Halen monstrously crushes live renditions of "Dance the Night Away," "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love," "Eruption/You Really Got Me," "And the Cradle Will Rock!!," "Outta Love Again," and the obscure, but awesome jam, "Down in Flames," which was never recorded in the studio. Or was it? 

In the history of recorded music there has never been an announcement like this. VIVA VAN HALEN!