The following handwritten letter was found frozen on the ice encrusted marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Your blabby mom tells me you delayed your flight because airport security thought the giant vibrator in your carry on was some sort of torture device. I told you not to travel with The Nightstick. So anyway, last night, I froze my meat curtains off wearing a micro miniskirt waiting in the freezing cold to get into that new nightclub that used to be a short guy's big and tall shop and now I’ve got a black and blue discoloration on my thigh shaped like a bruise after falling up the stairs off the roof in the basement. On closer inspection, turns out it’s not a bruise but a sticky slab of drooled fruit roll up that adhered to my skin when I slept on it. Hey I’ve invented a new shade of red called blue. It’s in the green family, but yellowy in nature. Purplish if you will. Or I guess it pretty much just looks like red after all.

Hey since when did the post office start giving body cavity searches?

Kristin


Song of the Day:

70’s Orgasm Club, “Supersonicloveisticated”