The following handwritten letter was recently discovered on the cold marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Did you hear about the girl who had an operation on her left side? She’s all right now. Geez, thank god, it’d suck being all left. I can’t seem to sleep lying down lately and your inverted sex swing in the rec room is really awkward so I’ve resorted to sleeping in the upright coffin in the guest morgue. Hey I thought we could finally make that video we talked about—you know—2 girls, one cup and a tub of Flamey McFirecrack’s Intestinal-Melt Chili. Our parents are going to be so proud that seven years of college is finally paying off! Say that reminds me, did you ever get that fart smell out of your new car? Coincidently I may have left my coffee can of special leavings in your trunk. Uh, yeah, the same can with the bad seal that always spills all over. Hmm, maybe I blew my ass junk in your trunk.

Doctor says I gots me some of that caucus fever baby,

Kristin


Song of the Day:
James Pants, “Ka$h (Peanut Butter Wolf Remix)”