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The following handwritten letter was found crumpled near the sunny steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

Soccer has been a blast except for our goddamn narcoleptic goalkeeper who keeps falling asleep on corner kicks, free kicks and shootouts. Otherwise she’s fucking awesome! I too know what it’s like to have a crippling disease since contracting conjunctive gingivitis from cat yodeling in the back alleys of New York City. If only I was wearing an IUD this could’ve been prevented. Identification: Underage Dentistry medical tags of course. What were you thinking? Hey my therapist says I need to start stopping my starting stop start-up post haste. Yeah, I gotta get going on that. Hey I can’t wait to get stupid at the moronic imbecile-a-thon for dumb retarded idiots and assholic dipshits.

When I stand next to dumpsters you can barely smell my trench mouth,

Kristin


Song of the Day:

Z-Trip, “Immigrant Noise RMX”