Mesmerizing 1981 Pat Benatar ABC 20/20 Special Report

PART I


PART II

Stacy: That girl looks just like Pat Benatar
Linda: Actually there are three girls at Ridgemont who have cultivated the Pat Benatar look. None of them talk to each other.

The following handwritten letter was recently found stuck to the ice encrusted marble steps of McKinley Hall:

Dear Lisa,

I just might have a hypochondriac plant allergy to medicinal marijuana that was prescribed by a deranged (but cute!) botanist I met at a nudist snowshoe seminar and my unlicensed gynecologist says I’ve developed a particularly unusual case of chicken head syndrome. Yeah, I don’t know either. It’s like, so cuckoo. So what’s up with that industrial cheap-ass toilet paper you must’ve liberated from a men’s bathroom stall at the stadium? It’s got the slick texture of clear wax paper, but without perforations, softness or special quilting to help poopage cling to it for optimum wiping, plus it’s the size of a giant cheese wheel a drunk Scotsman might chase down a steep back country hill. Anyway, it sucks. Say that reminds me—are you drinking my saliva from the fridge I’ve been storing in water bottles? Damn bitch, you know my salivary glands are dry!

Hey I’m experimenting with pork bedazzles for my poultry needlework exhibit,

Kristin

Song of the Day:

The Hidden Hand, “For All The Wrong Reasons”

Damn fine read. Cute and Deadly Surf Twins, 1970

And now a word from our sponsors. Lite-Brite

Bullshit or Not! January 27, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Arsonists Get All The Girls, Hits From The Bow
2. The Whore Moans, Hello From Radio Wasteland!
3. Goblin Cock, Come With Me If You Want To Live
4. The Happy Plague, Sweeping The Nation
5. Ass Basket, Nothing But Net
6. Math Popes, Algebra Ain’t Noise Pollution
7. Gogogo Airheart, Rats! Sing! Sing!
8. The Cotton Jones Basket Ride, Paranoid Cocoon
9. Comb the Desert, We Ain’t Found Shit!
10. Various Artists, Mr. Blowbato: A Terrible Tribute to Styx’s Worst Album

Legit!
1. Arsonists Get All The Girls, Hits From The Bow
2. The Whore Moans, Hello From Radio Wasteland!
3. Goblin Cock, Come With Me If You Want To Live
7. Gogogo Airheart, Rats! Sing! Sing!
8. The Cotton Jones Basket Ride, Paranoid Cocoon

Bullshit!
4. The Happy Plague, Sweeping The Nation
5. Ass Basket, Nothing But Net
6. Math Popes, Algebra Ain’t Noise Pollution
9. Comb the Desert, We Ain’t Found Shit!
10. Various Artists, Mr. Blowbato: A Terrible Tribute to Styx’s Worst Album

Insane Video Flashback: Vanessa, "Upside Down" 1982

Vintage Ad: Rose's Lime Juice, 1979

Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner (Live Radiohead Cover)

Damn fine listening material: Fu Manchu, Jailbreak

And now a word from our sponsors.

Vintage Ad: Liberty Hot Dogs, 1980

Bullshit or Not! January 20, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Tesco Vee’s Hate Police, Gonzo-Hate-Vibe
2. Rumpelstiltskin Grinder, Living For Death, Destroying The Rest
3. Titus Andronicus, Airing of the Grievances
4. Green Carrot, Rots In Your Mouth Not In Your Band
5. Sheered Lepus, One Bad Bunny
6. Boner Scouts, Pitching a Trouser Tent
7. Various Artists, Smooth Moves: A Jazz Tribute Celebrating Laxatives
8. Wet Sans Brolly, Cornfed Humans
9. Going Postal, Mailing It In
10. Chewing Feverishly, Caught Masticating

Legit!
1. Tesco Vee’s Hate Police, Gonzo-Hate-Vibe
2. Rumpelstiltskin Grinder, Living For Death, Destroying The Rest
3. Titus Andronicus, Airing of the Grievances
5. Sheered Lepus, One Bad Bunny
8. Wet Sans Brolly, Cornfed Humans

Bullshit!
4. Green Carrot, Rots In Your Mouth Not In Your Band
6. Boner Scouts, Pitching a Trouser Tent
7. Various Artists, Smooth Moves: A Jazz Tribute Celebrating Laxatives
9. Going Postal, Mailing It In
10. Chewing Feverishly, Caught Masticating

Sarah Silverman. The first comic to shit on MLK

Was Martin Luther King Jr. really a litterbug? And did he purposely fart in the car with windows up to torture his family? Finally the answers. I hear Sarah has been asked to say a few words about Obama at the Inauguration tomorrow. Should go well.

How Ray Lewis gets pumped up to play the evil Steelers

The Faith Tones inspire hard tackling and a glorious spiritual high like heaven itself.

Decadent Smut: Christina’s Obsession, 1981

AN EROTIC JOURNEY INTO TEMPTATION AND LUST. As talented as she is tempting, ravishingly beautiful heiress Christina van Bell converts the love seat of her boudoir into a couch of carnal consultation as she utilizes her wealth of erotic experiences to benefit those who seek her sage and sensual advice. As a quasi lay therapist, her passion and compassion merge with freudian finesse to engage her in bold and bizarre new experiments in sexual orientation.

Vintage Ad: L&M cigarettes, 1969

Farewell Mr. Roarke

R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban 1920-2009

Video Flashback: Faith No More, "The Real Thing"

Faith No More live at London's famed Brixton Academy on April 28, 1990.

Bullshit or Not! January 13, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. The Bastard Noise, Rogue Astronaut
2. Virgin Blood, Slut Sacrifice
3. Pee Farm, 50-Year Draught
4. Flart, Face Time With The Wizard
5. Dead Pleasures, A Chorus Of Corpses
6. Capitalist Casualties, Subdivisions In Ruin
7. P.C.U., Can You Blow Me Where The Pampers Is?
8. Red Right Hand, Plotting Your Death
9. Hellraisers From Hell, See You In Hell
10. This Will Destroy You, Field Studies

Legit!
1. The Bastard Noise, Rogue Astronaut
5. Dead Pleasures, A Chorus Of Corpses
6. Capitalist Casualties, Subdivisions In Ruin
8. Red Right Hand, Plotting Your Death
10. This Will Destroy You, Field Studies

Bullshit!
2. Virgin Blood, Slut Sacrifice
3. Pee Farm, 50-Year Draught
4. Flart, Face Time With The Wizard
7. P.C.U., Can You Blow Me Where The Pampers Is?
9. Hellraisers From Hell, See You In Hell

Vintage Ad: Lew Magram leisure suits, 1976

The Bombay Cooler! The Bengal Lancer! The Sunburst t-shirt! Oh yeah.

Joe Namath creamed by Farrah Fawcett

Cutey Gaho, 1968

R.I.P. Ron Asheton

With the passing of Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton, it's all the more infuriating that the Stooges still haven't been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The underrated 1970 album Fun House remains one of the most influential rock records ever due in large part to Asheton's early proto-punk sound. Need proof? Listen to virtually any Ramones album or Nirvana's "Drain You" which sounds eerily similar to "T.V. Eye."

Bullshit or Not! January 6, 2009 album releases

Every week dozens of strange bands release CDs with strange titles to attract listeners. Guess which five are legit and which five are bullshit:

1. Battle Sluts, Destroy Destroy Destroy
2. The Newlydeads, Dreams From A Dirt Nap
3. Neil Sedaka, Waking Up Is Hard To Do
4. Travis Stinkfinger, Smell My Finger
5. Various Artists, Dude, You’ll Be a Woman Soon: A Pre-op Neil Diamond Tribute
6. The Donger, No He’s Not Retarded!
7. Vegetable Mutation, In the Garden of Eatin’
8. Terror Punk Syndicate, Extended Playtime
9. Legion of the Damned, Cult of the Dead
10. Spanky McGhee, Shifty Luggage

Legit!
1. Battle Sluts, Destroy Destroy Destroy
2. The Newlydeads, Dreams From A Dirt Nap
3. Neil Sedaka, Waking Up Is Hard To Do
8. Terror Punk Syndicate, Extended Playtime
9. Legion of the Damned, Cult of the Dead

Bullshit!
4. Travis Stinkfinger, Smell My Finger
5. Various Artists, Dude, You’ll Be a Woman Soon: A Pre-op Neil Diamond Tribute
6. The Donger, No He’s Not Retarded!
7. Vegetable Mutation, In the Garden of Eatin’
10. Spanky McGhee, Shifty Luggage

Vintage Ad: Sasson, 1980

Bad Saturday Morning TV: Groovie Goolies & Friends

Damn fine listening material: Mambo For Cats, 1954

The greatest NFL game ever played

On January 2, 1982, the San Diego Chargers defeated the Miami Dolphins 41-38 in a wild divisional playoff game forever remembered for Miami's diabolical give & go play just before halftime and Kellen Winslow's hall of fame performance. Until the Chargers win a Super Bowl, this legendary overtime victory is perhaps the next best thing.

Vintage Ad: Panasonic clock radios, 1974